The Dance

What are some things you do when you've decided you'd like to know a work colleague or acquaintance better? How likely are you to make the "first move" in an attempt to get a relationship to a new level? How much does your spouse or partner come into your thinking as you begin this dance with someone?

I've found myself re-learning the steps to this dance a lot in my life. Like most people, I'm initially drawn to people with whom I have something in common. Early in my adult life, that often meant being drawn to musicians. But I found the element of competition sometimes got in the way there. Some of my friends in academia have told me competition in their world can have a similar effect, i.e. relationships remaining superficial despite many common interests. Do any of your competitive instincts interfere with this dance?

Being in a new location for over 18 months, both my wife and I have had a fair amount of practice with this dance lately. Although we're doing OK, I'm interested in strategies that may have worked for you.