#73: The Mt. Rushmore Series

For this latest iteration in my most prolific series, I'd like to hear nominations for films that - in your view - best portray fraying or highly dysfunctional marriages. Movie junkies should have little trouble offering up four. The rest of you, please weigh in with at least one or two. 

One qualifier: Try to avoid using any film marriage coming apart for the most obvious reason, the death of a child. Because as great as Ordinary People and Manchester by the Sea are, I'd like you to instead try to recall movies that accurately depict the nitty-gritty of married life, i.e., day-to-day life together, flaws and all. My mountain is listed chronologically by release date of film. Construct yours however you wish. 

1.) Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966): In my view, Mike Nichols's adaptation of the eponymous Edward Albee play set the standard for this type of movie almost a half-century ago. I've often wondered if the tempestuous real-life marriage of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton helped fuel their explosive performances in this groundbreaking film.  

2.) Another Woman (1988): Woody Allen has explored the fraught terrain of marriage several times over his long and controversial career. For my money, this gem - anchored by an extraordinary Gena Rowlands turn - is the best of the bunch. And in the smarmy husband sweepstakes, few have ever surpassed Ian Holm. 

3.) Revolutionary Road (2008): It took forty-seven years for someone to convert this coruscating Richard Yates novel into a movie. What I appreciated about this brave adaptation was how director Sam Mendes and screenwriter Justin Haythe didn't take sides. Leo De Caprio and Kate Winslet emerge as equally flawed and human in this difficult-to-watch, brilliant film. 

4.) Marriage Story (2019): In order to avoid duplicating directors on my monument, I picked this Noah Baumbach film over its near equal, The Squid and the Whale (2003). Tough choice; both movies are close to perfect. In the end, the later film got enshrined on the strength of the climactic fight scene between Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson. The intensity and complete believability of that scene is seared into my memory. 

Reflections From The Bell Curve: Two To Zero (So Far)

p.s. Thanks to my film-loving daughter for suggesting a post like this to me several months ago. In the end, the subject was a perfect fit for Mt. Rushmore. Would be sweet if a few people - especially you, sweetheart - chimed in today.       

Talking to Strangers

Although all the Malcolm Gladwell books I've read previously have enriched me in some way, I suspect Talking to Strangers (2019) will linger with me longest. Which book by this influential contemporary essayist has had a similar impact on you?

Gladwell uses the Sandra Bland tragedy to bookend his persuasive argument that the way we human beings draw conclusions about people we don't know is deeply flawed. His scrupulous deconstruction of the Jerry Sandusky scandal helped me see how hastily I condemned some of the collateral players in that notorious case. A similar aha arrived when Gladwell assisted me to see shades of gray in the infamous Stanford rape case involving Brock Turner and "Emily Doe", who later identified herself as Chanel Miller in her memoir entitled Know My Name.

Reflections From The Bell Curve: Remember Her Name

I'm still more inclined to sympathize with Miller's plight than I am with Turner's damaged reputation. But thanks to Gladwell, the Sandusky & Miller cases, Neville Chamberlain's pacifying of Hitler, and officer Brian Encina's tragic misreading of Sandra Bland's defiance are all filed now in a more nuanced portion of my brain. 

Upon finishing, I frequently ask myself how I benefitted - as a reader, as an aspiring writer, or as a thinker - by spending time with a book. Talking to Strangers spoke to me across all three of those dimensions. What recently finished book landed that way with you? 

    

The Continuing Search for Holden Caulfield

Of all the characters created in 20th century fiction, Holden Caulfield has to be among the most memorable. Holden's unique voice in JD Salinger's Catcher in the Rye captured the alienation many of us feel during the awkward years of adolescence.

Catcher in the Rye has remained popular since its publication in 1951. But Salinger would not allow any of his books to be adapted to film, meaning Holden has never been represented on the screen. This film geek has lost count of how many times he's cast Holden in the never-made movie. Although not a good fit ethnically, Sal Mineo has stayed in my mind for this iconic part among actors who came of age in the 50's. Which actor do you see as Holden from the decade in which Catcher in the Rye was published?    

Can't envision an actor from the 50s you say? How about the 60s then? Of late, my wife's vision of Dustin Hoffman has struck me as a better fit than the previous 60s actor I'd pictured. Hoffman is more ethnically accurate than Sal Mineo and, like Mineo, about the right height as I've always imagined Holden. But now it's your turn. How about an actor who came of age in each subsequent decade since Holden's creation? You've still got the 70s, 80s, 90s, 00s, 10s, and now the 20s to work with and yes, before you ask, I've got someone in my mind's eye from each of those decades. But right this moment I'd rather hear from the aspiring casting directors among you. Is your couch ready?  

p.s. I have envisioned a contemporary actor, less ethnic than either Mineo or Hoffman that might be right. One issue with Timothee Chalamet portraying Holden Caulfield is that Timothee is just a little too pretty. But he'll do until someone takes his place in my imagination. Or until one of you suggests an alternative.  

Home Away from Home with a Genius

Our imminent trip to be with my new grandson in L.A. will end up being the longest period my wife and I have spent away from home since our cross-country driving trip in 2000. Although I suspect it will not be the case, should you detect a different vibe across my next several posts, just assume the fabled Southern California mellow has me in its temporary grip. Don't worry; I'll be back to my cranky East Coast self by the time the ball drops to greet 2025. Actually, I think I'm immune to mellow.  

In the meanwhile, my daughter has reserved a pile of books for me through the L.A. library system, my son-in-law's guitar awaits my nimble fingers, my grandson's continuing musical education is ready to be resumed in earnest. Though I plan to avoid excess gushing about this particular two-month-old during the time spent in my home away from home, I offer no guarantees. Consequently, if you decide to tune out my December reflections, I won't take it personally. Just don't expect me to listen to any future crowing you make about your grandchildren. 

In addition, skipping upcoming dispatches from the bell curve means you could miss out on knowing the prodigy's first spoken words, in several languages. And soon after, when I post the first YouTube video of him playing the Chopin etudes, you'll wish you'd been paying closer attention. Just saying. 

Creativity

"Novel associations that are useful."

For me, creativity is a driving force in life. Of all the definitions I've been exposed to, the one in italics above has stuck with me the longest. How do you define this elusive quality? More significantly, how do you express yourself creatively? Since its inception in March 2011, this blog has been both a catalyst for other manifestations of my creativity as well as a critical component all by itself in my creative life. And as with all creative endeavors I've undertaken, some days I'm more satisfied with what I've created here than on others. 

How do any of us evaluate the merits of one creative endeavor vs. another? Over my lifetime, I've many times heard interviewers ask authors, songwriters, artists etc. which of their works was their "favorite". Often the answer given is some variation on "...they're each my 'children' so asking me to name a 'favorite' is unfair..." For those of us on the bell curve who might never be interviewed, why not weigh in right here today and tell me and others: "What is your 'favorite' thing you've created?"  I'm listening and interested.

A Thanksgiving Gift

"My heart does not so much feel that it is in my chest as in my hands, and that I am carrying it along swiftly, as though I have become the messenger for what is going on inside of me."

Claire Keegan is an astonishing author. Her concise prose is emotionally honest. Her storytelling is nearly flawless. And her characters - like the un-named young narrator in Foster - will remain with you. When I read the sentence above near the end of this timeless novella, my heart broke. I will never forget this book.

Though Foster is only my second exposure to Keegan, two books alone have persuaded me that people will be reading her work one hundred years from now. She is that good. Not a reader, you say? Watch the movie adaptation of Foster - entitled A Quiet Girl - and try to stay composed as the film concludes using a scene lifted directly from the book. You might decide right then to make an exception. 

Experiencing Claire Keegan's gift reminds me what great literature has brought to my life. Consider this unqualified recommendation my Thanksgiving gift to you. 

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Reflections From The Bell Curve: Book Club Report: Year Seven

Key Learnings: Year 75

For me, this past year ended up being a rich one for learning. Though I'm limiting this post to three key takeaways in the interest of brevity, when you take the time to assess the key things you've learned over this past year - birthday aside - don't limit yourself. I've found that doing an exercise like this each year enhances my gratitude for the good fortune of my life. In my 75th year, I learned ...

*To be more generous with myself. Early in 2024, while touring Taliesin West - Frank Lloyd Wright's home and studio in Scottsdale, Arizona - the richness of that creative space helped me to see that my lifelong reluctance to spend money on experiences like this was both foolish and short sighted. The best $39.00 I spent this past year was on the audio tape I listened to while roaming those grounds. I resolved that same day to begin being more generous with myself.

*To begin paying more attention to poetry. The leader of a writer's group that I belonged to for a while frequently used poetry as a prompt when kicking off her sessions. I've always enjoyed poetry and have even tried my hand at it, but repeated exposure to more of it this past year convinced me to pay more attention from now on. 

*To honor my long history as a musician. This key learning arrived during the week I spent at a guitar camp in August. As I listened to one of the great teachers tell his story, I began sketching out my own. This simple writing exercise gave me a more nuanced perspective on my 60+ year musical journey. 

I'd welcome hearing your key learnings from this past year. I suspect others might as well. 

Goal for Year 76

Since beginning this day-before-my birthday tradition in 2011, the years I've most enjoyed have been those when some of you have shared a goal(s) you have for the next year, birthday aside. Doesn't matter if you shared here via a comment or, if you contacted me offline. In my experience, sharing a goal enhances the likelihood that you or I will begin working on it. And if you make the goal specific and measurable, add action steps, ensure it's realistic, and attach a time frame to it, you make it into a SMART one, thereby increasing the chances of attaining it. Why not join me today?

Over my 76th year, I will begin using techniques learned from Kate Murphy's You're Not Listening (2019) to improve my listening skills. Specifically, I will work on maintaining a demeanor that communicates to the speaker that I am not judging what they are saying. I will also remain mindful of closeness communication bias, a trap I've fallen into with many people close to me when I "think" I know what they're going to say before they say it, which affects how carefully I'm listening and whether the speaker feels heard. I will measure my success by assessing how much more I'm learning about the people around me and by asking my wife for feedback about my listening demeanor after she's watched me interact with my siblings. 

Wish me luck. Good luck with your goal. 

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