Since watching "Higher Ground" several weeks ago, I've been turning over one short scene in my mind. In the movie, a thoughtful meditation on faith, the main character is a deeply religious but conflicted character played by Vera Farmiga; the film is also Farmiga's directing debut. In the scene, she is being counselled by a pastor; it is an unsettling conversation.
How often in your life have you been counselled by someone with an agenda superseding your best interest? I can recall a few instances from my own life; it's possible my general resistance to taking advice, however well meaning, is rooted in those instances. That scene in "Higher Ground" has nothing to do with being gay. But since watching it, I've imagined the damage that might have been done by well meaning counsellors (clergy, psychiatrists, family) before there was some degree of acceptance about being gay.
Not long after I realized I had little use for advice in my own life, I mostly stopped giving it as well. That scene from "Higher Ground" has strengthened my resolve to stay out of the advice business. If/when I'm tempted to give some, my new resolve is to be sure I'm speaking from the other person's best interest.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
12 Months:12 Countries
Of all the projects or goals I've posted about since starting to blog last March, our plan to sample the cuisines of all the countries in the world has gotten the most attention. That project is one year old today.
Since I posted the 6 month update (link below), my wife and I have picked up the pace a little. We've now hit 12 countries from four continents; Asia is leading with five of the 12; six if you count Turkey as being in Asia vs. Europe. To date, the undisputed leader for my wife has been our visit to Mexico (El Mezon in Freehold). For me, it's a tie between Mexico and our visit to Lebanon (Ilili in NYC on my birthday). Thanks to all for your recommendations and suggestions. Either Sri Lanka or Hungary is next in the queue.
As we get further along, we'll surely need your help with some harder-to-find cuisines. In the end, if we can't find a Liberian restaurant (for example), we're going online for a recipe. If any of you want to join us on our next culinary trip, post a comment, write an e-mail, give a ring, send a smoke signal; we'll make it happen.
http://reflectionsfromthebellcurve.blogspot.com/2011/03/world-traveling-via-food-to-be.html
http://reflectionsfromthebellcurve.blogspot.com/2011/09/requested-update-from-march-23.html
Since I posted the 6 month update (link below), my wife and I have picked up the pace a little. We've now hit 12 countries from four continents; Asia is leading with five of the 12; six if you count Turkey as being in Asia vs. Europe. To date, the undisputed leader for my wife has been our visit to Mexico (El Mezon in Freehold). For me, it's a tie between Mexico and our visit to Lebanon (Ilili in NYC on my birthday). Thanks to all for your recommendations and suggestions. Either Sri Lanka or Hungary is next in the queue.
As we get further along, we'll surely need your help with some harder-to-find cuisines. In the end, if we can't find a Liberian restaurant (for example), we're going online for a recipe. If any of you want to join us on our next culinary trip, post a comment, write an e-mail, give a ring, send a smoke signal; we'll make it happen.
http://reflectionsfromthebellcurve.blogspot.com/2011/03/world-traveling-via-food-to-be.html
http://reflectionsfromthebellcurve.blogspot.com/2011/09/requested-update-from-march-23.html
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Raising The Bar
The more widely I read, the more I want to write and yet the more nervous I am about my public writing.
Strange admission coming from a blogger, right? My desire to read and write is nearly as strong as my parallel desire to listen to and play music. Although I don't recall it, perhaps I was once nervous about playing in public too. This past weekend, I played publicly on Saturday and was largely happy with my performance. I then heard jazz trumpeter Warren Vache play on Sunday. If the order had been reversed, my weekend would have been a parallel to today's reading vs. writing experience.
Earlier today I was engrossed reading essays from Christopher Hitchens last book - "Arguably". Hitchens was a formidable intellect and terrific writer, comparable in his field to Vache in music. Reading Hitchens made me want to write. But I discarded a couple of blog ideas I'd had before I began reading; Hitchens had raised my bar. So, I wondered: How would I have viewed my performance or what would have changed in my playing if I'd heard Vache on Saturday and then played on Sunday? What techniques do you use to raise the bar with your passions?
Strange admission coming from a blogger, right? My desire to read and write is nearly as strong as my parallel desire to listen to and play music. Although I don't recall it, perhaps I was once nervous about playing in public too. This past weekend, I played publicly on Saturday and was largely happy with my performance. I then heard jazz trumpeter Warren Vache play on Sunday. If the order had been reversed, my weekend would have been a parallel to today's reading vs. writing experience.
Earlier today I was engrossed reading essays from Christopher Hitchens last book - "Arguably". Hitchens was a formidable intellect and terrific writer, comparable in his field to Vache in music. Reading Hitchens made me want to write. But I discarded a couple of blog ideas I'd had before I began reading; Hitchens had raised my bar. So, I wondered: How would I have viewed my performance or what would have changed in my playing if I'd heard Vache on Saturday and then played on Sunday? What techniques do you use to raise the bar with your passions?
Monday, March 19, 2012
My Grade (So Far): Bravery
My dictionary cites courage, valor, & fearlessness as synonyms for bravery; quite a list - I'm glad I decided to write this post on a good day. Given those synonyms, you go first. How would you grade yourself on bravery at this point in your life?
So few of us are ever really tested on this attribute. And of those three synonyms, the one that gives me the most pause is fearlessness. I have met people who have acted fearlessly in some situations but I don't know a single person without some fear. Do you? This is a very high bar indeed. So, given the above synonyms, Pat gives Pat a "C" for bravery at this point in his life. For anyone keeping track, that's two C's so far for me (first was for ambition, in my 2/23 post). What's on your report card so far?
Lest anyone thinks I'm being falsely modest, upon request only, I will relate for anyone interested an instance where I believe I did act bravely. But I don't believe an occasional brave act entitles me to a higher grade than "C". The good news? As with ambition, there's time to improve my grade or yours.
So few of us are ever really tested on this attribute. And of those three synonyms, the one that gives me the most pause is fearlessness. I have met people who have acted fearlessly in some situations but I don't know a single person without some fear. Do you? This is a very high bar indeed. So, given the above synonyms, Pat gives Pat a "C" for bravery at this point in his life. For anyone keeping track, that's two C's so far for me (first was for ambition, in my 2/23 post). What's on your report card so far?
Lest anyone thinks I'm being falsely modest, upon request only, I will relate for anyone interested an instance where I believe I did act bravely. But I don't believe an occasional brave act entitles me to a higher grade than "C". The good news? As with ambition, there's time to improve my grade or yours.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Saint Who?
At the risk of sounding out of touch with multi-culturalism, I'm afraid the concept of ethnicity has never had much resonance for me.
Take today, i.e. St. Patrick's Day. I have good friends of Irish descent who take this holiday very seriously. Me? Though I share the saint's name, unless someone reminds me, I don't even remember the whole green thing. And I've never attended the parade honoring my namesake; honestly don't care if I ever do. My father's side (albeit 6 generations ago), was the Irish side; my mother's grandparents were from Germany. Two of my least favorite ethnic foods? Irish & German! Even before I became a vegetarian, I detested both corned beef & sauerbraten, never mind boiled potatoes or sauerkraut - yuk!
Except for liking beer, more of an Irish stereotype than a cultural norm, I can't think of anything related to either side of my ethnic background that means much to me. I don't tear up hearing "Danny Boy"; Wagner is not on my musical radar. I've been to both Germany & Ireland; both very nice, but, no ancestral tugs. My wife's ancestry is largely British and she is an absolute Anglophile - loves London, British humor & film, the skinny men, etc. I feel no such pull toward anything Irish or German. How about you? How strong is your ethnic identification?
p.s. To my German readers: Don't abandon me. Sauerbraten & Wagner aside, please recall all the neat German words I've sprinkled into past posts.
Take today, i.e. St. Patrick's Day. I have good friends of Irish descent who take this holiday very seriously. Me? Though I share the saint's name, unless someone reminds me, I don't even remember the whole green thing. And I've never attended the parade honoring my namesake; honestly don't care if I ever do. My father's side (albeit 6 generations ago), was the Irish side; my mother's grandparents were from Germany. Two of my least favorite ethnic foods? Irish & German! Even before I became a vegetarian, I detested both corned beef & sauerbraten, never mind boiled potatoes or sauerkraut - yuk!
Except for liking beer, more of an Irish stereotype than a cultural norm, I can't think of anything related to either side of my ethnic background that means much to me. I don't tear up hearing "Danny Boy"; Wagner is not on my musical radar. I've been to both Germany & Ireland; both very nice, but, no ancestral tugs. My wife's ancestry is largely British and she is an absolute Anglophile - loves London, British humor & film, the skinny men, etc. I feel no such pull toward anything Irish or German. How about you? How strong is your ethnic identification?
p.s. To my German readers: Don't abandon me. Sauerbraten & Wagner aside, please recall all the neat German words I've sprinkled into past posts.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Love That Stew
As an undergraduate, one of my favorite psychology courses was called "Group Dynamics". Many years later getting my Masters, courses I took in organizational behavior (OB) covered similar fascinating terrain. Since retiring from full time work, my preferred place to watch the human stew cook is a book club meeting. I'm part of that stew.
One OB theory suggests our behavior in groups will often replicate the role we played in our family of origin. My behavior at many book club meetings? Textbook, as they say. And the more I learn about the family background of others in my clubs, the more support I see for this particular theory. I'm planning on testing some other OB theories going forward. For example, at my favorite club, I estimate about 20% of the members say almost nothing from meeting to meeting. I'm going to initiate some offline conversations with these folks. Got to be some good stories there, don't you think? Of the estimated 20% who take up 75% of the air time meeting to meeting, I know plenty.
For the other 60% from that club who do about 25% of the talking? Going to leave that stew cook a little longer. Pretty sure it's going to taste good whenever I get around to sampling it.
One OB theory suggests our behavior in groups will often replicate the role we played in our family of origin. My behavior at many book club meetings? Textbook, as they say. And the more I learn about the family background of others in my clubs, the more support I see for this particular theory. I'm planning on testing some other OB theories going forward. For example, at my favorite club, I estimate about 20% of the members say almost nothing from meeting to meeting. I'm going to initiate some offline conversations with these folks. Got to be some good stories there, don't you think? Of the estimated 20% who take up 75% of the air time meeting to meeting, I know plenty.
For the other 60% from that club who do about 25% of the talking? Going to leave that stew cook a little longer. Pretty sure it's going to taste good whenever I get around to sampling it.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
An Anniversary Celebration
Tomorrow begins my 2nd year of blogging. I hope you'll celebrate with me by posting a comment, online or off, or otherwise communicate with me about what you've liked, what you haven't, what to change, what to keep. Or anything you can tell me that will keep you taking a peek every now and then.
I did not post "...every day..." as I aspired to when I began last March 15. But I've been so pleased what this new discipline has brought to my life, not least of which has been great conversations with many of you on topics introduced here. And stating that goal last March was my way to help maintain a commitment - 254 times as of today. For me, goals are as much about the journey as they are the destination.
I'm especially gratified by those who have paid close enough attention to ask for updates on other goals or projects mentioned here. Thank you also for the critical and supportive feedback; keep it coming.
I did not post "...every day..." as I aspired to when I began last March 15. But I've been so pleased what this new discipline has brought to my life, not least of which has been great conversations with many of you on topics introduced here. And stating that goal last March was my way to help maintain a commitment - 254 times as of today. For me, goals are as much about the journey as they are the destination.
I'm especially gratified by those who have paid close enough attention to ask for updates on other goals or projects mentioned here. Thank you also for the critical and supportive feedback; keep it coming.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Wanted: More Hours
At the end of a day as rich, productive and satisfying as today, I sometimes find myself enmeshed in magical thinking: It would be so nice to need less sleep.
Despite having energy people frequently comment on, I'm on the bell curve as far as how many hours of sleep I require for optimal functioning. And though I'm fortunate to have no sleep issues and can function well for a day, even two, without 7-8 hours, about a third of my lifetime will be spent like most people - asleep. Intellectually, I realize it's fruitless to envy the small minority who sleep far less than most of us. But as today draws to an otherwise satisfying close, here is my sincere, if unrealistic, wish: I want more hours awake.
Over the years I've tried numerous techniques to extend my waking time. Each has worked for a brief while but after a few days, a week at most, I'm a little frayed at the edges. Soon I'm back on the bell curve. Who else, magical thinking aside, is occasionally disgruntled by this? Would be consoling to know I'm not alone.
Despite having energy people frequently comment on, I'm on the bell curve as far as how many hours of sleep I require for optimal functioning. And though I'm fortunate to have no sleep issues and can function well for a day, even two, without 7-8 hours, about a third of my lifetime will be spent like most people - asleep. Intellectually, I realize it's fruitless to envy the small minority who sleep far less than most of us. But as today draws to an otherwise satisfying close, here is my sincere, if unrealistic, wish: I want more hours awake.
Over the years I've tried numerous techniques to extend my waking time. Each has worked for a brief while but after a few days, a week at most, I'm a little frayed at the edges. Soon I'm back on the bell curve. Who else, magical thinking aside, is occasionally disgruntled by this? Would be consoling to know I'm not alone.
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