Words for the Ages, Line Forty

"The older I get, the less I need."

Since the 2017 inception of this series, I've been on the lookout for terse lyrical phrases like that, words that are able to stand on their own, i.e., they're not dependent on the rhymes accompanying them to complete the thought. The lyric above - from a 2025 Mary Chapin-Carpenter song entitled Girl and Her Dog - satisfies those simple requirements. I've never been overly concerned about selecting lyrics that might strike others as capital "P" profound. For me, the most critical element is how well a lyric succinctly captures an essential and timeless truth. That is, are these words for the ages? 

The essential truth of those eight words struck me almost from the moment I first heard Carpenter sing them. Then as weeks went by, a question - one even simpler than the lyric that prompted it - would not let me go. What do any of us really need? I decided then that any lyric reminding me of Abraham Maslow's groundbreaking work on the hierarchy of needs is clearly worth memorializing here, profound or not. 

And that brought me full circle back to a central motivation for starting my blog fifteen+ years ago. From the start, I've aimed these reflections at the 98% of us who do not reside on either far end of the bell curve. We are neither fabulously famous nor we will ever end up in jail. We have more in common than not. We want to love and be loved. We want to take care of our families. We want to make a small difference in the world. We enjoy many of the same things. Those are the things I try to write about here - most of the time - hoping to engage you in some fashion.    

Maslow's hierarchy of needs - Wikipedia

Father's Day Gratitude

In your view, which traits help make a person well suited to being a parent? How much does the person's gender factor into your thinking. i.e., how much do the traits shift in your mind, father vs. mother?

Had someone had asked me that same question in my younger years, I suspect my answer might have been tied to things my own solid parents had shown me, traits reflecting prevailing cultural norms of the time. My mother = a loving and devoted caretaker of her children and our home; my father = a hard-working, dependable provider. 

Later in life, considering my own suitability as a potential father, my thinking evolved. Although I aspired to be a reliable provider like my father, I fully embraced my wife's wish to have a life outside our home. I knew also that I wanted any children we had to expect the same level of unconditional love and intense devotion to their care as my mother had shown me.     

It's quite clear to me how well suited my son-in-law is as a parent. He already shows my young grandson all that my parents showed me and all that I hope I showed my daughter as she grew up. In addition, my son-in-law's gentle temperament - unlike my father's or my own more combative tendencies - models a kinder, more gracious way of living. Without question, this one trait alone - if he follows his father's lead - will help my grandson better weather the challenges life will hurl at him.

On this Father's Day, I'm grateful for the example my son-in-law is showing to my favorite little man in the world.    

My Trimming Turmoil

The more time I spend trimming my six-hour class on the Beatles down to ninety minutes, the more I wonder why I offered to do so in the first place. Much ado about nothing, you say? Oh, I beg to differ. Using just one incomparable Beatles song as a focal point, indulge me as I lay out a few of the unpleasant dilemmas facing me while constructing my final playlist for the presentation I'm doing about a month from now.  

* If I choose not to use And Your Bird Can Sing how to best demonstrate how advanced the Beatles were with respect to guitar harmony?   

* If I do use And Your Bird Can Sing as my selection from the British version of Revolver, which of the equally important songs from that breakthrough album do I scuttle? Eleanor Rigby? Taxman? Here There and Everywhere? 

* Is a compromise in order with respect to And Your Bird Can Sing? That is, can I instead use that piece of musical magic and say it was from the vastly inferior American toss off LP called Yesterday and Today? If yes, how much time do I devote to making a distinction between the American and British versions of all the albums before Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band? And then, what other Beatles ephemera do I leave out while rhapsodizing on their endlessly influential oeuvre? 

There's more where this came from, honest. If I began describing my turmoil about Abbey Road and what I'll play from that gem in this truncated class vs. what was included in my longer offering, you might begin to worry about my mental health. The White Album? If you still have any pity left for this unadulterated Beatles geek, please don't go there.     

 

Who's Cooking?

Though I have biases like everyone, for the most part, I consider myself reasonably open-minded. That said, I'm providing the Wikipedia link below to help you decide if what I'm about to confess makes me guilty of ethnocentrism.

Ethnocentrism - Wikipedia

With respect to restaurants specializing in ethnic cuisine, I'm less confident about what I'm about to eat when folks preparing my meal appear to have no trace of the ethnicity in question. Call me ethnocentric and read no further if you choose, but before anyone reports me to the PC police, hear me out. 

I don't necessarily need to hear Italian spoken by cooks in an Italian restaurant, but for me, it is preferable to hearing Russian or German. Now because I speak only English - admittedly bolstering my ethnocentric bona fides - I struggle to differentiate some languages from others. However, if any Polish or Slavic speaker working as a cook in a Mexican, Thai, or Lebanese restaurant stumbles across this post, allow me to respectfully suggest you stay silent when encountering me - or some equally prickly individual - as a customer. Even we monolinguists can usually pick out blatant auditory clues and, in my case, it could start me wondering if my meal is going to pass muster. Sorry in advance if this offends you.   

The ethnicity of cooks in a diner? A less cut and dry matter. Given the number of choices on a typical diner menu, a United Nations contingent would be necessary in those kitchens to fully satisfy my narrow requirements. However, to be painfully honest (what have I got to lose at this point?), I will almost always bypass a diner not featuring spanakopita. And I also pay attention to the name of the diner's proprietor when advertised, on the lookout for first names like Stavros or Eleni. Another technique? I listen when a diner's proprietor pronounces gyro.  If I hear something like "jiro" (hard "J" and long "i") instead of something close to "yiddo" (rhymes with "kiddo"), that could signal my last trip to that particular diner. I love my spanakopita too much to take chances. Same goes for my pasta primavera and all those other yummy ethnic dishes that have been passed down through generations of folks who originated the dish in the first place.    

Being Truly Tested

Over the span of your longest-lasting relationship, what has been the most serious test of the strength of your bond with that person?

Like most folks who have been together a long time, my wife and I have been tested more than a few times over our almost half-century together. But reading A Marriage at Sea (2024) brought into clear focus the difference between the tests most of us face and the kind of test that only the sturdiest of bonds can hope to endure.

Author Sophie Elmhirst's background as a journalist perfectly suits this tale of super-human resilience. In her debut, Elmhirst never raises her voice because it's unnecessary to do so. What Maurice and Maralyn Bailey faced during their 117 days adrift on a rubber raft in the middle of the Pacific Ocean needs no fanfare. I can't imagine an attentive reader being unmoved by this remarkable story.

  

Battling With Tears

Would you describe yourself - as I do - as introspective? If so, would you also say - as I would - that you frequently struggle to hold back tears? I've wondered most of my adult life about the link between these two temperamental traits of mine.  

I've known people I would describe as introspective that don't appear to struggle as much as me with tears. How often do you encounter folks like this? Though not proud of it, I'm obliged to admit I'm a little jealous of people like this. And though I never have, more than once I've been tempted to ask these folks to share a strategy with me. This is especially the case following an episode when my tears just don't seem to want to stop.  

Who knows? Maybe a few of those introspective folks will read this post and offer me some help. Even better, maybe the help offered to me will also assist one of you who sometimes fights the same battle as I do.

#77: The Mt. Rushmore Series

Perched near the midpoint between Memorial Day and the celebration of the nation's 250th anniversary that's poised to unfold on July 4th, it feels right to offer up four national treasures for this iteration of my most enduring series. I hope you'll join me by celebrating four uniquely American treasures you wouldn't want to do without. Regular readers will recognize my abiding passions reflected in the first three selections.

1.) The New York Times:  A feast for readers and the gold standard for responsible journalism, the Times has enriched me as a thinker my entire adult life. 

2.) Ken Burns: Without question, the greatest documentary filmmaker of my lifetime. My favorite film in his impressive oeuvre? See directly below. 

3.) Jazz: Music has been the singular driving force of my existence. And jazz is the classical music of these United States as well as being the subject of my favorite Ken Burns film. Understanding this uniquely American art form is a never-ending quest.  

4.) The National Park System: When Yellowstone National Park was created in 1872, the United States became the first country in the world to establish a national park. In 1916, with the birth of the National Park Service, another groundbreaking innovation was unveiled. At last count, I've visited thirty-five of the sixty-three national parks. Aside from those few bordering the Arctic circle and the one on American Samoa, my plan is to get to all the rest in my remaining years. Wish me luck.

How about you? Which four uniquely American treasures would you enshrine? 

 

But, However, Still ...

Without question, the largest looming issue in my current bi-coastal quandary is connected to my Act Three friendships. Because much as I want to witness every milestone in my new grandson's California life, leaving behind the friends I've made since 2010 is an unpleasant prospect.  

It would also be difficult leaving immediate family left here on the East Coast, but with one sister and three nieces already spread across the U.S., I've had years to cope with that reality. Now, with fewer years in front of me than behind, it's unsettling to envision day-to-day life without regular interaction with my newest tribe.  

Would I make new friends? Of course. How? Likely via some of the same techniques used when I moved here sixteen years ago. I'd join - or start - a book group or two. I'd volunteer, get involved with a local activist group, find people who enjoy hiking or being outdoors. My wife would try to connect with folks who love gardening and I'd try to locate musicians and other aspiring writers. One of the upsides to the Internet is how easy it can be now to connect with people that have similar interests. And staying in touch is also much easier than it used to be.  

But, however, still ...