Forever Proud

The day after tomorrow (Tuesday October 14), at 10:00 p.m., my daughter is making her first appearance on national network television. Unless cut at the last minute, she'll appear in the opening scene of the ABC series "Forever" as the premise for the episode entitled "The Pugilist Break" is being set up. Although she won't be happy I'm announcing this in a post before the show is broadcast, don't I owe it to my minions to give advance notice? If someday she's fortunate and becomes a parent, and then doubly fortunate to have a child as determined and focused as she, then she'll appreciate how my pride knows no bounds. Besides, this is my blog not hers.

If you're a parent, at what age did your children first show an interest or passion in what later became a major focus of their life? If you're not a parent, what is your recollection of a childhood interest or passion that subsequently became a major focus of your life? Since the 5th grade my daughter's focus on the performing arts has never shifted. In my experience, people with that kind of focus are not easily dissuaded from their dreams. If you then add talent, intense discipline and good education and mentoring, it's a potent mix.

BTW, she's the redhead in that opening scene looking at an apartment with a real estate agent.

Healing Words

Cheesy as it may be, more than a few times I've been truly moved by words on a poster or bumper sticker. For example: "Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and integrity they think of you."

Spotting those words on a large poster behind a desk recently I felt compelled to engage the woman sitting there in a brief conversation. When was the last time words inspired you to initiate a conversation with a stranger? What were the words that moved you?

I had two thoughts prior to speaking to that woman. In the hopelessly naive vein - If she embodies the words on her poster even 20% of the time, she is making the world a better place. In the practical arena - I much prefer interacting with someone like her, however superficially, vs. someone who publicly displays a hateful or divisive sentiment on a poster or bumper sticker.

Thanks For The Memories

A recent gratifying conversation with an old subordinate got me reflecting about others I've supervised over my working life. Man, do I miss supervision - NOT!!

How many performance assessments have you been responsible for over your working life? Supervision has many definitions. But unless you've been eyeball-to-eyeball with an adult doing their performance assessment, I submit your supervisory mettle has yet to be thoroughly tested. Many people have trouble telling their own children they've done something less than extraordinary, let alone telling another adult their job performance is worthy of a "B" or (gasp!) a "C". Until you've been faced with an adult who rejects the idea of bell curve distributions (i.e. not everyone always deserves an "A" for job performance), call it babysitting, not supervising. Significantly compounding this problem: The appalling number of cowardly supervisors who give nothing but "A's" to avoid conflict, remain popular, and lessen their workload.

And as difficult as honest (vs. perfunctory) performance assessment discussions can be, that same conversation with my old subordinate also reminded me of a supervisory situation I've faced and wish on no one. In my view, a person in the position of being forced to tell an adult they no longer have a job who doesn't struggle mightily delivering that news does not have the empathy to be an effective supervisor in the first place.

The Bell Curve Focus Group

Thanks to folks who shared which Beatles songs they felt best captured the magic of the Fab Four. Of the nine suggestions made, six ended up on my final playlist for the "The Magical Musical Mystery Tour", the course I begin teaching Thursday.

Before designing this class, I was hesitant to admit how many books about the Beatles I've read in my life. What an odd turn of events - having all that ephemera in my addled brain now actually reveals an upside. The balance I'll be aiming for is keeping the trivia in its rightful place while ensuring the music is front and center. As someone who used to play all twelve songs from "Rubber Soul" end-to-end (the U.S. version), this won't be real difficult.

What continuing education course about music would entice you to attend? Since I'm now being asked to develop additional courses, what focus group could possibly top the people who read my blog? Your compensation? To be negotiated.  

Still Searching

http://reflectionsfromthebellcurve.blogspot.com/search?q=Always+Searching

When I appealed to all of you to turn me onto some new songs (vs. remakes) three years ago, the offline response was pretty good. Thanks to those folks for their suggestions. But the search continues. Of the 2011 posts I've revisited to date, this one is most worthy of recycling - it's about music, after all. What songs that you previously hadn't heard have really rattled your cage since I first asked?

In addition to my daughter turning me onto the Black Keys (we later saw them at Madison Square Garden), I have readers to thank for two terrific songs I might not have otherwise come across: "God Willin & The Creek Don't Rise" (Ray La Montagne) and "I Won't Give Up" (Jason Mraz). If you don't have these and at least a few Black Keys tunes in your I-tunes library yet, you're missing out.

My young guitar students have also kept me from veering too far into musical codger-land. And though I wouldn't yet call myself a Taylor Swift fan, anyone who begins writing such infectious songs at her age is worth paying attention to. Keep your ears and mind open and your typing fingers ready - when you hear something you think might have slipped by me, let me know. I'm still searching.

Assistance With Creeping Fuddy Duddyism

First, my current quandary. Second, some questions in the hope you can assist me to work through this.

1.) I earnestly want to avoid the early onset of fuddy duddyism. On the other hand, there are some old fashioned values & traditions I do not want to jettison. These include:
* Having dinner & other conversations vs. dueling cell phones and incessant texting.
* Keeping hand-written thank you notes alive. Even an e-mail thank you is (arguably) better than no acknowledgment of a gift or other courtesy.
* Treating dogs as animals.

2.) How do you maintain a reasonable balance between some modern norms and values or traditions that strike others as quaint or fuddy duddyish? What is a polite way to deflect a discussion of a dog's bowel movements? How did the word genius become so devalued that it is used without irony to describe Kanye West?

Your able assistance is sincerely welcomed.

Edward Lowell Barton

When my Mom died in November 1977 at age fifty seven, I was a selfish, immature and broken twenty seven year old. Despite his grief, I remember the self-centered request I made of my Dad at the time -"Give me twenty years before you go; I can't handle something like this any sooner." What a jackass I was.

Remarkably, Dad nearly granted that asinine request. He died on this day in 1997, nineteen years and eleven months after Mom. By then I was a less selfish, mostly mature, fairly whole forty seven year old. And though I've paid tribute to him here on Father's Day, Veteran's Day & Pearl Harbor Day, early today I realized that for the past three years, October 2 somehow slipped by.

If either or both of your parents are gone, what do you miss most? I miss my Dad's curiosity about and interest in words, his deep experience as a carpenter and his speaking voice. If your parents are still with you, why not tell them what they mean to you before they're gone? I have few regrets because I always did so. But how I wish they were still here so I could say those words over and over.

Appreciating A Basic Need

When was the last time you were grateful for your ability to communicate?

Though I usually think of myself as someone who doesn't take much for granted, recently I was forced to stop and think hard about the question above. Watching a severely disabled adult act out at the stable where I volunteer I wondered what he was trying to communicate. Was he afraid? Uncomfortable in the saddle? Not understanding what the instructor was asking him to do?

The lesson had to end ahead of time. The young woman who had been leading the horse was pretty shaken up. When she later asked me how the instructor and I had maintained our composure when the student was acting out, I heard myself say "Imagine how frustrating it must be for someone who can't communicate their basic needs to others."

In that moment I discovered something I do take for granted. Then I was grateful.