How can it be twelve years have elapsed without my blog offering assistance to readers interested in fortifying their New Jersey bona fides? To help rectify this oversight, treat the guidelines below - re attitude, directions, food, and music - as counsel from someone who has lived here for all but four months of his seventy-three years. Without these bona fides - be you resident, occasional visitor, or someone considering moving here - you could get caught short.
Attitude: Learn immediately and embrace completely the ethos of going all Jersey on someone when necessary. This applies to situations where someone acts rude or disrespectfully toward you. It can be especially helpful in customer service interactions, when in a queue, or in visits to Motor Vehicles.
Directions: Understand no self-respecting Jerseyan identifies themselves via their exit on the Garden State Parkway. It's acceptable to use those exits when asking for or giving directions but never identify a person by using their exit number. Pat does not live at Exit 98; he lives in Brielle, which happens to be near Exit 98. Violating this guideline could earn you a visit from Silvio, Tony, or Paulie. If that trio is unfamiliar to you, remedial work is required.
Food: Although bagels are a major food group in New Jersey, be careful about recommending a bagel shop to any lifelong resident, like say, me. Also remember Taylor ham is alternatively called pork roll and is the preferred meat to put on a bagel, provided the bagel originated in a properly vetted shop.
Music: Remember: The Boss did not compose Jersey Girl; Tom Waits did. If you need to ask who the Boss is, you've already wasted your time reading this far. In addition - with no disrespect to the Boss - he is only one of many great musicians New Jersey has produced. Start with Count Basie and learn several other names. Fortify those bona fides.
Your turn. If you are a longtime resident of my beloved home state, please offer to my readers one or more of your guidelines. Be as cheeky as you like. Longtime residents of one of the other forty-nine: If you feel inclined, please weigh in with some guidelines for your state to help me and others. Finally, any reader who loved Zach Braff's valentine called Garden State (2004) contact me here or offline. I want to talk with you about that film and all the things that make New Jersey special, bona fides aside.
Don't forget that you don't go to the beach in NJ...you go "down the Shore" By the way, were you talking about me when. you mentioned going Jersey on someone at Motor Vehicles? I advise against it...you will end up with a driver's license photo you don't want to see the light of day.
ReplyDeleteKim; Ooh, I wish I'd remembered that as I was writing this post; could've easily included as part of my "directions" guideline. Only a real Jersey Girl (via W. Va. ) would have thought of this additional Jersey bona fide. Good work!
DeleteHello, again,Pat,
ReplyDeleteGreat examples provided above. As a NJ resident for 56 of my 66 years I consider myself to be a fairly good judge of what is Jersey while still maintaining some of my NY roots. And, according to some friends and family, still hold onto a slight NY accent at times and with certain words. I would add to your list the fact that there is more to NJ than refineries and the shore. The northwest part of our State has mountains and countryside that one usually doesn't associate with Jersey. The number of parks in our great State is probably much more than one realizes. Jersey is a very large horse breeding State and we are among the leading producers of cranberries. Also, and one that sometimes seems to be an issue for some folks, is the geography of NJ. Those that live in southern Jersey consider Trenton to be North Jersey while those in the Northern part of the State consider Trenton to be south Jersey. Usually the dividing line is along route 195. However, Central Jersey (yes, it does exist) is considered to be made up of Hunterdon, Somerset, Union, Middlesex, Mercer, Monmouth and Ocean counties. NJ sometimes gets a bad rap .. . but I think it's a great place to live.
Be well,
Bob
Bob; Although I wasn't aiming here at touting our wonderful State by citing all its attractive features, I'm glad you brought that perspective to your comment. Somewhere in my massive blog archive, there are a post or two that does what you did here so thanks for that (unintentional) reinforcement. Bigger thanks for your newest landmark - six comments by you on six different posts all in one sitting. Whew! What a mensch you are.
DeleteI wrote this up awhile ago and am finally getting around to posting this to your blog. So here it goes.
ReplyDelete1. We pronounce New Jersey like “New Joisey”.
Please stop with this already. Also, we don’t all say “foggetaboutit.” Only someone doing a bad impersonation of a Jersey accent says this.
2. Livin’ on a Prayer is our state anthem.
Maybe if you’re there for last call at some other obnoxious bar. Only then do people somehow find a need to start belting out this timeworn Jovi tune.
3. Everyone from here is loud, obnoxious, and rude.
Sure, any out-of-stater who drives on the Turnpike might come to this conclusion. And yeah, there are plenty of folks who epitomize this. Take Chris Christie, for instance. But there are also lots of people in New Jersey who also can’t stand this in-your-face kind of attitude.
4. Everyone lives off a parkway exit.
There is a lot more to the state than Garden State Parkway exits. People seem to think New Jersey is just one damn highway. There are plenty of cool places quite far from the “beloved” parkway. Take Lambertville. Nice quaint town by the Delaware River with cute antique shops and a laid back vibe. It’s also nowhere near the parkway, so you’d sound kind of lame if you asked a resident there about a parkway exit.
5. Everyone at Seaside Heights partakes in asinine antics like on that joke of a show “Jersey Shore”.
First off, most of the assholes on “Jersey Shore” are actually from New York. Second, yes, of course, we do have our share of meathead partygoers in Belmar who probably need to lay off the hair gel and tanning salon. Stereotypes come from somewhere, after all. But don’t associate Snookie as the poster child of New Jersey. Bet she couldn’t even tell you where Lambertville is.
6. New Jersey is filled with bad drivers.
Well, this one isn’t entirely false. Especially when jughandles are involved. Quick-tempered drivers is probably more accurate. Just wait a few extra seconds once the light turns green and you’re guaranteed to be met with a barrage of honking horns.
7. We don’t know how to pump our own gas.
Damn straight we do. Lots of people take trips to New York and Pennsylvania. Only the truly lazy ones wait to get back here to have the gas pumped.
8. The entire state smells like a garbage dump.
This has to be something only people who’ve flown into Newark and took the Turnpike straight to New York City assume. Yes, that strip of highway through the marshland of Secaucus indeed smells like a sewer. Maybe try taking a trip to one of the many towns in New Jersey and you will find lots of trees and nature.
9. New Jersey is just a big mess of highways and urban sprawl.
Not true at all. The Pine Barrens make up about 22% of New Jersey, so no, our state is not merely a strip of highways. It isn’t called The Garden State because people think the name is pretty. We love hiking and nature. There is even a section of the Appalachian Trail called “Stairway to Heaven” that features forest, wildflower fields, a suspension bridge, a cow pasture, bouldering, and a killer view of the Kittatinny Mountains at the top.
10. Everyone is from the mob.
Thanks to The Sopranos, now all the world thinks that anyone from New Jersey has some connection to the mafia. Great.
11. We love our pizza and bagels.
Well, okay. This one is true. We have the best pizza and bagels. Some of the New Jersey pizza joints even rival New York with some of the best thin crust pies.
Chris; Regardless of when you wrote it, this was worth the wait. And, it might be a record-breaker for the longest comment ever published on my blog, if I don't count one or two of your music lists, that is. You and I are nearly in total alignment here with your eleven observations about ridiculous stereotypes people hold onto of fantastic, diverse, and beautiful home State. Over the past twelve years about a dozen of my 2700+ posts have touched on several things you highlighted here including the Pine Barrens (#9) and that trash who called herself Snookie (#5). My favorite from your list could be #2 - "shopworn" indeed. And now that haircut has a rest stop in his name. Can you believe that shit? Thanks for the terrific comment.
Delete