At almost seventy-six years old, it's safe to say my temperamental inclination to judge is not ever going to disappear completely. Which of your less noble traits can sometimes feel equally intractable?
Even with fitful progress, chipping away at this flaw has often felt like a part-time job. I fully recognize I'm the one most damaged by judging. But that insight often eludes me in the moment, especially when I'm triggered. For the last several years, whenever my instinctive judgaholic has temporarily taken over, I've been saying "Begin, again" to myself. I started doing this because I know the importance of self-forgiveness. It works, sometimes.
It took an observation my wife recently made about my guitar playing to persuade me this lifelong battle remains one worth fighting. When she pointed out how my judging of my playing seemed to interfere with the joy I get from it, her words landed hard. The relationship between judging and joy is not one I recall previously considering. If you share this flaw of mine, have you considered this?
Begin, again.
First of all--I have misjudged you, Pat! I thought you were in your 60's.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes to the over-judging. I do it and it's never helpful.
I think you're right--joy is the answer to that inner critic.
Regina; Thanks for the comment and affirmation of the substance of my post. Bigger thanks for the visit in the time machine to my seventh decade; if only!
DeleteI’ve always been hypercritical of, as well as self conscious about, my own guitar playing. It does get in the way of enjoying it. Lately, I’ve been trying harder to embrace mistakes as being part of the fun. I tell myself that while I notice them, a casual listener would not. Sometimes that works, but usually it doesn’t.
ReplyDeleteJim; Thanks for the comment. For me, this issue goes far beyond my playing, although that's what I chose to focus on here. The judging part of me has also created tension when it's been directed at other people in my life. I'm hoping to get back a little bit of the joy with some of those folks by continuing to make progress on that ignoble trait of mine. Fingers crossed.
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