"We don't see the world as it is but as we are".
Because of work I began doing in the early 90's, I've spent the last 35+ years paying a great deal more attention to the way my language shapes my world. Early on, behaviorist Albert Ellis helped me learn of the effect of "shoulding" on myself and others and also to avoid the trap of "musterbation". Then Deborah Tannen and other linguists helped me reduce my over-use of absolutes like always/never and everybody/nobody when speaking. Later, my mentor - who'd studied with Fernando Flores - assisted me to shed weak and/or insincere expressions like "I'll try". All these teachers guided me on a journey toward speaking more powerfully and authentically.My latest challenge in this world of cognitive restructuring is to stay mindful of language that sends a message of rigid certainty. You've all heard many of these expressions casually tossed around: "I'm sure (or positive or certain) of it". Or ... "I know this for a fact". Words like these send a clear message to others i.e., "This is the Capital T Truth". Which expressions of certainty do you routinely use that might shut down inquiry or meaningful dialogue with others? Ever been trapped in a certainty loop like I was recently?
I'm driving with a friend. Though the GPS was directing us, I said more than once I was sure we were going the wrong direction. My patient friend did not react. Only after realizing I was incorrect did it occur to me how my certainty had temporarily blinded me. Was that repeated word of certainty (sure) before or after the thought of being "sure"? Doesn't matter. My language had let me down. We create our worlds with words. In this instance, I'd tried - in vain - to make the world fit my words. Work to be done.
This is fascinating, Pat. And—no surprise, also something I have been thinking about recently. I won’t go into the weeds, but just took a William Blake seminar and the Prof. was explaining the closed circuit as opposed to the ascending spiral which Blake often portrayed in his art—like Jacob’s Ladder. The closed loop is a mind that stays on one plane. I like the approach you lay out—notice the language; how it shapes our thoughts and actions.
ReplyDeleteRegina; Thanks for the comment. I'm unfamiliar with Blake's "ascending spiral" so thanks for sharing that. And I think you're right about a parallel between the notion of closed circuit vs. ascending spiral and my meager attempt here to introduce folks to constructivism in brief blog post. Consider my intro the Lydia Davis version of constructivism even though doing it real justice would make it more "War and Peace"-ish.
DeleteI've been the beneficiary of all the reading you've done in this area and it has helped me tremendously! Always/never and shoulding have been particularly useful. So, thank you for bringing these practices home to me!
ReplyDeleteKim; Thanks for the comment and of course, you're welcome. Knowing you've been paying attention to my ramblings about constructivism is consoling, affirming and scary.
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