For Every Shoe, There Is A Potato

I've often fantasized about artists from different fields who - in my mind - are meant to collaborate. The intelligent prose of Julian Barnes is ideally suited to Stephen Sondheim's challenging melodies. The haunting and mildly creepy literature of Dan Chaon is just what M. Night Shyamalan needs to revive his once promising film career. Tom Waits must write the score when Jennifer Egan's brilliant "A Visit From The Goon Squad" gets adapted to stage or film. Even if these made-in-heaven partnerships never materialize, I still get goosebumps imagining the possibilities.

But how about the opposite scenario? In your mind, which artists are so wildly incompatible that a collaboration makes you laugh, shudder and choke all at once? Let's call these mashups the shoe and potato partnerships.

What if Leonard Cohen, Nick Drake, or Janis Ian got to do the soundtrack for a Michael Bay blockbuster or one of the Bourne films? Or Norman Rockwell paintings were used on the set of a Neil LaBute or Sam Shepherd play? Or the next time one of Cormac McCarthy's nihilistic books gets adapted to film, Chelsea Handler gets to write the screenplay and Abba gets to do the music?

Come on, use your imagination and have some fun with me, will you?