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My most recent single release - "My True North" - is now available on Bandcamp. Open my profile and click on "audio clip".

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Me Against Me

I may have to turn in my gender card admitting this, but competition has become a bit tiresome to me.

It's not as though I don't enjoy winning; I do. But the competing piece tends to bring other stuff to the surface that has gotten old. Like losing my temper. Or, if I'm teamed up with someone in a competitive situation, being impatient when that person doesn't do their part. Or, being inflexible about "rules" when it's only a board game. Anyone recognize themselves looking at Pat's competitive mirror? Sometimes it feels less like I'm playing others and more like it's me against me.

I realize I'm responsible for my temper, patience, and flexibility. So my first step is just to recognize when I'm crossing the lines. But the more I reflect on the whole competition enchilada, the more I'm inclined to just avoid competitive situations as much as possible. For example, lately I'm enjoying board games more if they are creatively based vs. knowledge or skill centered. And though I'm not sure how much more time will pass before I re-start playing tennis with some partners who beat me more than I do them, if I do come around it will only be when I'm reasonably certain I've grown enough to make it about fun and exercise vs. competition.

It's also possible that by the time I get this all worked out, I won't remember why I cared so much in the first place. Non-therapeutic insights, anyone?

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