Each time I observe a couple in public both staring at their phones vs. interacting with each other, I'm newly grateful for my wife. And that gratitude further extends to meal times together. When we're home, her phone is often in a different room. When we dine out, the phone remains in her purse vs. face up on the table next to her. It would be hard to over-state how happy it makes me knowing my wife is not so attached to her phone that she allows it to take precedence over our interactions.
Because my daughter grew up in the I-phone era, her norms about having it nearby - often face up - are different than her mother's. But as attached as she can sometimes be to her phone, when the three of us are together - or when it's just the two of us - I rarely feel in competition with it. I know her livelihood frequently depends on rapid responses to texts or calls; I respect that and try to be sensitive. In turn, just like her mother, my daughter almost always shows me that our time together is more important to her than all those pings designed to distract her.
I realize my distaste for cell phones puts me in a rarefied and cranky minority. However, I've been part of more than a few conversations over the past several years that have shown me there are plenty of folks who long to return to a few pre-cell-phone norms. Like enjoying a meal with friends or loved ones without multiple screens pinging continuously. Like waiting for a suitable amount of time (you define suitable but how about longer than ten seconds?) before someone uses a phone to Google an answer to something that someone in a group of three or more might come up with, if they had time to search their brain for longer than those ten seconds. Like the people we enjoy spending time with showing us our company is enough.
Thank you for the nice compliments. I'm glad we still have enough to talk about after all these years that the cell phone doesn't seem more interesting to me than you do! I guess that's love.
ReplyDeleteWe too do not have phones on the dining room table. It is all about conversation. Or, just enjoying our meal:). What a concept! I take a utilitarian approach to my phone but don't allow it to always be around. Unless of course I am expecting an important call. My daughter and granddaughter don't do phones during meals but they are close by and occasionally they will Google some factoid that is pertinent to our conversation. I can live with that!
ReplyDeleteInes; I knew our habits with cell phones were not unique but it's affirming to hear that other people are aligned with us. Thanks for the comment.
DeleteGood morning, Pat. There are times when I wish there was more conversation and less time staring at these devices. But there are also many positives that take away some of the negatives. I do feel a need in the event my kids need to contact me. And there have been few times when this has been necessary. I mean other than to just call to say hello which I love. Now, having said all that, I must add that a cell phone can be and has become one of the most distracting things ever. And I know some people who cannot be without their phones for more than a few seconds - no matter if it's out to dinner, watching a movie, or anything else.
ReplyDeleteConversation anyone ?
Be well,
Bob
Bob; Although I agree there are some clear advantages to cell phones, on balance I'm strongly on the side of the less distracting pings I hear, the better the conversation .
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