Since first hearing those words strung together, barely a week has gone by when I haven't reflected on how living my life this way would be undeniably healthier. This is especially so whenever I re-hear poisonous thoughts that have crossed my mind when interacting with certain people. I suppose it's fair to say that the phrase unconditional positive regard has begun to help me at least raise my baseline for being triggered by some people.
But soon after I begin congratulating myself for evolving, something gets said that sets me back. Over the several months I've been working on getting healthier in this domain, I've noticed a common element in my setbacks: Politics and the toxic air infusing modern-day conversations about that subject. When did the demonizing of people with views different from our own take such an ugly turn? Connected to that question is another aimed at myself. Reflect on it with me only if you think it's worth it. In my remaining years, can I evolve enough to give others unconditional positive regard, more than just in passing?
"When did the demonizing of people with views different from our own take such an ugly turn? " I can tell you when! When Trump was elected, the most toxic & divisive person to ever live. Pat, it's way more than "views" that are different and created this 'ugly turn. I think you are soft selling it. The backbone of humanity in America has been broken. This administration and its MAGATs lack humanity, ethics, integrity, empathy, courage, morals. These are not "views." these are essential elements of being human and caring for others. Would you ask this question in Germany in 1939 - "When did the demonizing of people with views different from our own take such an ugly turn?" It's not 'views' it's humanity through and through. I say make it UGLIER.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous; Thanks for reading.
DeleteWith the exception of your last sentence, I agree with you 100%. I won’t make it uglier but I am struggling to come up with another descriptive word that would describe my response.
ReplyDeleteCookie; If I knew with 100% certainty the identity of "anonymous" (above), I'd put you in touch with her/him, given your "almost" total concurrence with that person's sentiments. I'm afraid the intent and spirit of this post - embodied in the questions closing the first paragraph, my final question, and the title - got lost somehow. Oh well.
DeleteI looked up the definition of unconditional positive regard and found this….on AI of course!
Delete“Unconditional personal regard is the acceptance and valuing of a person without judgment or conditions, regardless of their behavior.”
And, based on this I I do judge people based on their behavior.i think there are many behaviors we may not agree with but are not egregious. However when we get into behaviors such as abuse, racism,…etc, yes, I judge.
⬆️That Anonymous ⬆️ is me…so sorry, I am not great at posting and editing. But, please don’t judge me😎
DeleteTrying to approach people with an open, generous, and positive regard and assuming the best about other humans is a worthy goal, even in the current toxic political environment. Reflexive negative assumptions about others eradicate hope for change. That being said, it's getting more and more difficult to see the light.
ReplyDeleteIt's the word "unconditional" that negates the possibility for me. Why is adopting that attitude a "state of grace"? Let's take this out of the realm of our hyper-divisive politics and put it on a personal level. Many people say that you should have unconditional love for your children. But what does that mean? Let's say you discover that your teenage son has been molesting his little sister. How can you possibly offer him unconditional love? Let's hope it's by saying "I love you, son," but... What follows the but is the condition. How could it be otherwise?
ReplyDeleteJim & Kim; Thanks to both of you for comments aligned with the spirit of my post, even though both of you had reservations. The thoughtful and nuanced ways you each chose to present your reservations will help me as I continue to explore this ideal, one I'm convinced will be healthier for me. That one piece is something I'm sure of.
DeleteHere is something to inspire HOPE: https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/jane-goodall-famous-last-words-documentary
ReplyDeleteAnonymous; Thanks for thinking to share this. Another reader of my blog who doesn't comment publicly wrote me an e-mail in response to this post and attached this same link. Like you, that person extracted the spirit of my post and offered Goodal's words to me as ballast for the despair that can engulf any of us when our inner voices become so shrill we see no hope.
DeleteUgh... something I need to strive for... thought I was only calling out facts and falsehoods and going to demonstrations so we don't lose democracy. Such a fine line. Usefulness or useless anger...
ReplyDeleteAnonymous; It's all in the striving. Calling out those facts and falsehoods doesn't have to go hand-in-hand with branding others as evil or irredeemable. But maintaining that frame of mind is difficult work. For me, it's worth the effort for my own mental health.
DeleteIf everyone abided by this unconditional love you seek and ask about for others. If this was so there would be no wrong doing. Would we all just forgive and shower the rapist, the murderer, the kidnapper, the president with love?. There must be boundaries or a line drawn for this unconditional love don’t you think?
ReplyDeleteSandy; Good to see a comment from you. Treating others - even those whose actions we find abhorrent - with unconditional positive regard doesn't mean "loving" or even necessarily forgiving others for actions we find abhorrent (rape, murder, kidnapping, etc.). What I was aiming for here - and obviously missed the mark with some readers - was aiming for an ideal i.e., believing people are redeemable and trying to maintain a posture of unconditional positive regard. This is exceedingly difficult to do, but as I said in my post - and also in answer to others like you who took exception to what I wrote - I'm sure this posture will be healthier for me. Obviously, it's not right for everybody.
DeleteHey Pat. Wow .. Looks like this post has resulted in quite a few comments. Good for you. I agree with most that has been written above. Some really good comments. I usually strive to be as positive as possible. Most times I am successful. Obviously not always, but the work continues. I have known too many cynical and negative people in my life. And sometimes it is difficult to keep my distance from these people. But that just tests my resolve that much more and, hopefully, I come out stronger as a result. It's a shame that the word 'work' has to be so important in just trying to stay positive.
ReplyDeleteBe well,
Bob
Bob; Yeah, this post did get more comments than my norm even if it appears my intent was perhaps not as clear as it could have been. That aside, thanks for chiming in.
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