"Uh-huh", "no kidding?", "really?", etc.
When did you most recently overhear an extended conversation wherein one of the two people involved repeatedly used some variation of those three polite responses? How long did it take before you began to wonder when the second person in this ostensible conversation was ever going to stop prattling?
Although sometimes perversely intrigued by the oblivious prattler in these situations, what fascinates me more is how creative the polite listeners can be. In my most recent experience, I lost count after about ten polite, non-committal responses. Aside from the three reliable chestnuts above, I also heard "wow", "you don't say", and - the one that really got my attention - "interesting". Crab that I am, I was most taken by that particular response probably because of how little I found mildly interesting in the jabberer's non-stop monologue. Churlish of me I know but there you have it.
In the thirty or so minutes I was privy to this interaction, the jabbering prattler didn't ask a single question of the listener. And that polite, creative, much-more-gracious-than-Pat person? Didn't seem to mind. This churlish crab will benefit a great deal more by remembering to emulate the grace of the listener vs. dwelling on the cluelessness of the prattler. Begin, again.
Pat--I resemble this remark! Actually, it is my New Year's resolution to not be "that person" who yammers on like that. Sadly, I have been that person. But, I have resolved to try at least, to do what author Robert Caro would do when interviewing subjects for his books on LBJ and Robert Moses, he'd write in the margins of his notes SU to remind himself to Shut Up. Since I rarely listen to myself, I may have to get SU tattooed the inside of my eyelids.
ReplyDeleteRegina; I disagree with your self-assessment. As a conversationalist, I've never found you to be self-centered or disinterested in what others have to say like the incessant yammerer I listened to most recently. Anyway, all of us - including this crab - can learn how to talk less and listen more. I love the Robert Caro anecdote and agree his is good coaching to follow.
DeleteHAHA Pat, this one made me laugh. I will try to be as gracious as the person you were listening in on!
ReplyDeleteAlways pleased when I make someone laugh, especially you.
DeleteMay I offer a reframe? Could it be possible that the “jabbering prattler” is usually the listener and today needed to unleash? Could it be possible the listener in your observation, who may regularly jabber, used the noted phrases because he learned them from his friend? Hmmmm….So quick to analyze and judge when we don’t know the full context!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous; A re-frame is always welcome, and grace is an attribute I recognize is not among my strongest. But as you also correctly point out, context is important. In this case, I've been a third-party observer to this same jabbering prattler in several earlier situations. After yet another egregious example of that person's cluelessness, I decided to let my judging crab out of his cage. Mea culpa.
DeleteI tend to jabber if during a conversation I am start experiencing some sort of social anxiety. Sometimes a very kind listener might notice that and is skillfully able to put me at ease without embarrassing me and i stop the jabber. Both the listener and I are forever grateful.
ReplyDeleteI also jabber when I get anxious, feeling a need to be “entertaining”. Perhaps the listener above recognized anxiety and let the talking continue.
DeleteCookie; Thanks for the honest comment. Perhaps social anxiety is a factor in the case of the person I've overheard yammering many times, i.e. the one referenced in my crabby post. If so, all the more reason for me to try to be more gracious and less crabby during those (seemingly endless) monologues.
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