Grief defies easy explanation.
Tears switch to laughter, sadness is soothed by memories, pain is eased by hugs. Life feels irrevocably altered; life continues.
"How are you doing?", well-meaning people ask.
"As well as can be expected", is the best I can offer now. Tomorrow? Grief defies easy explanation.
Reflections from the Bell Curve: Not Today
Hi Pat, I hope everything's genuinely okay on your end. These are brief, minimalist, yet haunting and relatable sentences (probably Hemingway or Carver adjacent) but literary comparisons aside, this constant ebb and flow of grief (like a river) is something I struggle with to this day, as I'm sure you do too. The most prominent examples are my grandma, who passed away last year when she was 90; she and I had an especially close relationship. Every time I see my cousins, the glue that once held us closely together is no longer there. We're all happy with each other but these once-meaningful meetings aren't the same. Another prominent example is grieving the loss of friends who've drifted apart. The other day, I emailed a friend who I befriended in a hospital. It had been a year but I always thought about her. I hope she responds. I know at 20, I'm too old for Christmas lists but last year, the only thing I wanted was to talk to my old friends again, so I wrote their names down with the lyrics to Place to Be by Nick Drake underneath. I don't use social media, I can't bring myself to do so because it's overwhelming and no one knows what people actually go through. It's a low-attention, highlight-grabbing farce and I want no part of it, because like you Pat, I crave real people and the world seems to have people as fake as AI. I'm happy to report that I've found great joy of course in the writing club, the short story club, writing, reading, finding purpose. My social skills, while somewhat quirky and so-so, have improved. It seems I've made new friends! But still, I find myself as the hamster spinning round-and-round in the wheel of grief, missing my grandma and grandpa and old friends. People may say "move on" but I can't. I don't forget easily. (Sidebar: I have a much easier time talking to older people than I do people my age.) I apologize but in emailing an old friend and reading something as simple and interpretative evoked tears and thoughts on this Throwback Thursday morning. Like the Wu-Tang song, after laughter comes tears. You and I best keep our heads up and think of and do the things that give us happiness so we can brush past grief but still allow ourselves to feel. I write at a late time again 😂
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