Gender Patterns

Looking around the room at my last book club meeting, I suddenly flashed to my three years of Graduate School and being the only man in that cohort of thirteen. The last writing workshop I attended? Same thing except the ratio there was 25:1. 

Of the adults I personally rely on, women far out-number men; been that way as long as I can recall. My lunch dates with colleagues from my last full time job? About four women to every man. My most important intellectual mentor? A woman.

The biggest exception to this pattern is my musical life. Yet even in that domain, where my associations with men outnumber women, many of my favorite bands included women. And my last musical partnership, the longest of my life, was a duo that lasted seven years - just me & another good friend who happened to be a woman.

I'm guessing having two sisters as best friends has something to do with all of this. Men with sisters or women with brothers, what gender-based patterns, if any, do you detect in your life?       

A Scary Fantasy

Considering the actual number of hours spent, which has given you more comparable pleasure in your life? Film or literature?

I love both and have trouble imagining my life without either. But after wasting two hours last night on another mediocre movie, I was annoyed. Had I been in the middle of a great book right now, the question posed above would not have occurred to me. But the novel I'm reading is about 350 pages. At minimum, that represents about seven hours of my time. Despite its award winning status, unless something shifts radically, the novel falls solidly into the "OK" category, like that two hour movie.

Am I coming down on the lowbrow side and answering my question on the side of film? More analysis is required. But I am clearly re-considering an old story I've told myself about what a waste of time it is re-watching pleasurable films. Since I've justified re-reading books that have taken (on average) three times as long to read as most films last, claiming to be above re-watching "Tootsie" is pretentious hogwash. Time to throw that story away and grab "Out of Africa" the next time I'm at the library.

Anyway, although it is a scary fantasy, a better question to ask might be: If you are a bookworm and film buff like me, what would you do with the hours you spend doing both if suddenly you could not? 

The Existential Farmer

"Mommy, can I watch the farmer?"

Imagine the reaction of farmer Pat hearing this over two years ago. Yes, at the time, I was wearing a baseball cap and moving fill in a tractor. And I hadn't run into any fences, at least during the minutes before the question was asked. Still, what a disconnect for a boy raised in Irvington, NJ. My first public swimming experience was no watering hole or lazy creek; it was the all concrete Boylan St. Pool in nearby Newark. Farm animals? On TV only. Tractors? Made of plastic. Hay? You mean the kind that causes fever, right?

Recalling that incident while driving the same tractor today, I reflected on how often in life others, especially strangers, see us in a wholly different light than we see ourselves. When was the last time this happened to you? Aside from the beguiling innocence of the question, I also recalled how liberating it felt to be somebody different for a few seconds. What was expected of farmer Pat? I didn't know - how nice that was. Uh-oh; farmer Pat was now on an existential journey in a tractor.

I wonder how the same innocent question would land with me now after doing farm work every Friday morning for two years. Though I'm not sure, at least I'm back near planet Earth.                 

In Case I Forget January 3, July 24, September 4

Near Mother's or Father's Day this year, a NY Times op-ed piece mused over the fact that there is no siblings day. Given the muted response received last year when I proposed this date as "National Book Day", here's an alternative proposal for holiday-free August: "National Siblings Month".

This is not a call for marketing folks at card companies to jam another superfluous, guilt-inducing non-event down our throats. But for those of us who mostly enjoy our siblings, I think this has real potential. Remembering birthdays and/or anniversaries is not real hard but what happens when those sibling markers pass unrecognized? Guilt, apologies, etc. But even the most addled of us can remember a whole month, right? And except for the Kennedys, nobody has more than 30 siblings so most of us could easily manage some simple communication to acknowledge each of ours over a whole month. Spread it out week by week, get it all done with one e-mail, whatever.

Any regular reader of this blog knows how I value my brother and two sisters. It's possible that's why that NY Times piece landed with me and I sincerely hope this proposal resonates with someone. If so, please let me know, online or off.  


   

History Vs. Hero Worship

On my birthday last November, I committed here to writing 63 posts about books over my 63rd year. Although on task to make my commitment, refusing to write about any book not worthy of a discerning reader's time has complicated the challenge and also increased my frustration with marginal books.

No such complications or frustration with "Founding Brothers" (2000) by Joseph Ellis. This might be the most enjoyable and informative book I've ever read about names familiar to anyone who studied early American history - Washington, Adams (John & Abigail), Jefferson, Madison, Franklin, Hamilton, Burr. The author uses each of his seven sections to describe the relationships each had with the others and how their shifting alliances influenced the formative years of the republic. My attention never flagged; the author's language and scholarship are first rate.

And unlike most of what I recall being taught as a child, Ellis faces the question of slavery head-on throughout his book; the focus is on history, not hero worship. Though the first census in 1790 recorded a slave population of almost 700,000 in a population of just 4 million, the founding brothers found a way to kick this can down the road, setting the stage for an inevitable Civil War 70 years later. In the author's words, slavery was "...an intractable problem that even the revolutionary generation, with all its extraordinary talent, could neither solve nor face."   

My Grade (So Far): Confidence

Confidence: self-reliance, assurance, boldness.

Based on the dictionary definition above, how would you grade yourself so far on this prized attribute? I'll give myself a "B+" on this one so far.

At the same time, this attribute, above most others, has reminded me many times how an over-played strength can bite you in the ass. If, like me, you've been more confident in your life than not, what has been the occasional downside? I've appended an earlier post of mine below that lays out my yin vs. yang struggle with confidence.

My work here is to get to an "A", quietly. One of my favorite childhood movies, "The Magnificent Seven", has two great scenes early in the film, both featuring Yul Brynner (quietly confident) and Horst Bucholz (not so quietly confident). My whole life with this attribute/strength has been aimed at becoming Yul Brynner's character. Now that I've got almost as little hair as Yul, maybe I'm ready for my close-up? 

http://reflectionsfromthebellcurve.blogspot.com/2012/11/confident-im-not-alone.html

Fresh Eyes

After watching Johnny Depp ham it up as a quintessential "man out of time" in "Dark Shadows", I was reminded how much fun it can be to periodically look at the world through fresh eyes. For example...

* What would a visitor from the 19th century or another world make of all those rows of symmetrical white lines in an empty mall parking lot? Or...

* What if that same visitor happened onto those vertical cages used in city parking lots or a group of empty utility trucks parked with their crows nests' fully extended? Or...

* Imagine being that visitor, walking in mid-town Manhattan at midnight, looking up at a second floor window and seeing a room full of people on rowing machines, stairmasters and ellipiticals. Even better, how about if that visitor stumbled onto a empty gym with that same equipment. How is this stuff used?

What are your candidates for stuff that could have those visitors scratching their heads?  Elevators, escalators and moving sidewalks in airports or casinos have already been spoken for. But look around with fresh eyes and then share with me and others a few of your ideas.

A Tool For Seekers

Of the tools I routinely turned to in my last full time job, the one I most miss using regularly is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). If unfamiliar, I encourage you to spend a few minutes online learning a little about it, especially if you're a seeker.

Based on the pioneering work of Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, the MBTI greatly assisted me with the high potential people who were my main customers. As much as the tool helped those folks better navigate the world of relationships, I reaped an equal or greater benefit. Nearly every time I administered, interpreted and then debriefed the MBTI with a customer, I gained new insights about my own interactions. And as I got better using the tool those insights deepened, lending credence to the words of Buddha - "We teach best what we need to learn most."

Though I have less opportunity to use the tool now, there's an ample supply of literature to help me at least stay up-to-date. Still, I do miss the almost daily practice, especially when one of those bumpy, if inevitable interactions comes my way.