This cranky and contrary old fart is finding it harder all the time to differentiate between nomophobia and garden variety rudeness. And yes I realize that my decision to make minimal use of a cell phone puts me in a rapidly shrinking and marginalized minority.
That said, I'd like to ask all of you - enamored of or tethered to your cell phone or not - what might have been your reaction had you experienced what I did in my local public library this a.m.? Allow me a brief but wholly accurate set-up.
Between the lobby of the library and the quiet study area where I placed myself there are no fewer than thirteen signs (counted after the fact) that read "Please restrict cell phone use to the lobby area". This includes one sign on each of the three tables in the study area and one on the wall directly above each. The library lobby is a distance of twenty paces away from those tables (also counted after the fact).
I'm guessing you can predict what happened moments after I sat down. What might surprise you is how the librarian blithely responded after my sheepish request that she intervene with the patron who began a cell phone conversation. "Oh, don't worry about it. This happens every day."
What possible rationale could anyone offer under these circumstances for disturbing others? Didn't see all thirteen signs? Didn't want to walk the twenty paces? What? My frequent use of the library is partially motivated by a wish to avoid the ubiquitous assault of the 24/7 news cycle - abetted by a TV in nearly public space - and the nearly inescapable presence of cell phones, both in the public and private spheres.
Nomophobia or rudeness?
Annoying!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous; Thanks for the comment. I'm assuming you were directing your one-word comment to that cell-phone dependent library patron and not my post. Ha!
DeleteWell I learned a new word today: nomophobia. I vote for rudeness as the culprit and would think the librarian would intervene. I had a similar experience on a long train ride recently. Unfortunately I was not in the quiet car so I couldn't say anything. But really - long conversations about trivial matters and I was trying to read. As anonymous says: Annoying!
ReplyDeleteInes; Thanks for the comment. Just a few weeks before this library incident, I was in the "quiet" car on NJ Transit when another rude cell phone nomophobic interrupted my reading. Again, the two signs directly overhead saying "no cell phone use" were apparently not enough for this dodo.
DeleteMaybe a bit of both? :) The deciding factor for me would be how long and animated the cell phone conversation was. A quick call could be understandable, while annoying. But if it was a full on conversation lasting longer than a few minutes, then they were just rude. Since you had time to ask the librarian to intervene I'm guessing it was a long conversation and therefore the person was just rude.
ReplyDeleteGina; Thanks for the comment. For me, the length of the conversation is beside the point. At minimum, if this person couldn't be without their cell phone while in the library, the least they could have done was put the ringer on vibrate after seeing the thirteen+ signs. Then, when it vibrated, it would have been easy to walk the twenty paces to the lobby.
DeleteI say rude and annoying. The person should have had their phone on silent and quickly exited the room to have a conversation. An apology for disturbing you would have been appropriate.
ReplyDeleteThe librarian should have done her job, if enforcing the rules is part of her job. If it’s not, there should be someone whose job that is. Nearly everybody has a boss. I might have insisted the librarian or whoever intervene.
The temptation would be to say something to the offender, but that can be dangerous. And the threat of that adds to the deterioration of common courtesy in the “me first” world we have now. How many times have you been backing out of a parking place only to have someone speed behind you? Could waiting a few seconds for you to exit the spot be that disruptive to the other driver’s personal time? Why would a sign in the library make any difference? I see more and more people blow through stop signs and make right-hand turns where a sign says “No Turn on Red.”
Thanks for the comprehensive and well-considered comment. I agree that many people seem to be immersed in their "me-first" bubble, which might partially explain the rudeness of this cell phone user and some of her brethren in parallel situations like those you describe.
DeleteI agree with some of the other commenters who say that even if the offender is nomophobic, it's still rude. Your anonymous contributor felt that saying something could be dangerous, but I'm old school and figure you have to speak up. Sure some people will sneer and push back, but they need to be called out for their rudeness. It happened to me while standing in a long line waiting for a trolley near Fenway Park in Boston. Three young people boldly walked up the tract to get to the head of the line. I called out to them and asked how I could join the club. One young man looked at me and said, "I wasn't talking to you." And I said, "No, I'm talking to YOU. I want to know how I can join the club so I can go to the front of the line." He just sneered and moved on. What appalled me, beside his behavior, is that no one else in line joined me in chastising him. As luck would have it, I ended up getting of the same trolley as he did and wound up standing quite near him. At one point I caught his eye and let him have it. No, not a punch. I shook my head and said, "Your mother would be so ashamed of you." Or maybe not. I have a feeling that Donald Trump's mother would be proud of him for all his rudeness. Which, in my book, is a violation of the first rule of parenting--RAISE NO ASSHOLES!
ReplyDeleteHey Jim; Thanks for the comment. I had a recent incident in the parking lot of my local convenience store similar to yours on the trolley. The young man who I subsequently verbally confronted told me to "meet him in the parking lot". Although nothing came of it, it did give me pause so I fully understand the trepidation expressed by the anonymous commenter above you. Some of these rude people might have the tendency to escalate any confrontation which could put people like you and I at risk of physical harm.
DeleteSometimes discretion is the better part of valor.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous; Thanks for the comment.
DeleteHey Pat. Interesting post. And not so much because of what happened, but more because I am not surprised at all that it happened. Whether it be cell phones, music, talking, etc, it has almost become commonplace to ignore rules, for some people, and do as they want, no mater the consequence. I remember I recent trip in to the City and we found ourselves in the 'Quiet Car' on the train. And despite it being clearly designated as such, and talking, music, etc, is to be kept to a very, very, low level, there are/is usually one that decides that these rules don't apply to them. Again, I am not totally surprised by this. However, what did surprise me was the way that the train conductor handled the problem - direct and without question. Not sure if they receive training on how to do this, but I was very happily surprised and very impressed at the manner in which they addressed the problem, made it clear that it had to stop, and moved on. Maybe we need train conductors in the library - lol.
ReplyDeleteBe well,
Bob
Bob; Refreshing to hear that the train conductor handled the violator's rudeness with a direct and effective intervention. Too bad an intervention was needed in the first place!
Delete