Of all the stories we each create to help us cope, perhaps the most difficult ones to let go of are those that are connected to our families of origin.
It took a significant trauma in my family of origin to prompt me to begin examining a few of these ancient tales. The little bit I know about trauma has taught me I'm probably not alone in this regard. In addition, it stands to reason that the oldest stories would be the hardest ones to dislodge. Joan Didion once famously remarked - "We tell ourselves stories in order to live." I'm sure some of the family of origin myths I held onto in the years before that trauma helped get me through some rough patches.
But for years now, some of those same stories have started to feel more like roadblocks than aids. At the same time, I'm learning how hard it can be to discard long-held myths, especially when I feel alone in attempts to dismantle, or even to inspect them. Add in my sometimes-volatile temper and its evil twin i.e., my big mouth, decades of shared history with all its attendant baggage, and an unwillingness all around to forgive easily, and what I'm left with are obsolete stories that interfere with genuine communication.
What challenges do you face trying to free yourself of stories that have outlived their usefulness?
I like the Sanskrit word for what you describe: "samskara" It means patterns, like the rivulets that form on mountains when the icecaps melt. We are meant to challenge them periodically--to shake them up, test them, see if they are true or not.
ReplyDeleteRegina; I love that Sanskrit word. Thanks for the encouragement to shake up and test a few of my long held family of origin "patterns".
Delete"The moments of the past do not remain still." - Proust
ReplyDeleteAnonymous; Thanks for the perfect quote to accompany this post.
Delete"If you're acting hysterical, it's historical," this post brought up a lot for me, it's a good reminder to recognize when I am projecting my stories onto other people, and holding onto "histories" with my loved ones.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous; Thanks for the comment; great quote. And I'm pleased if this post served as a reminder for you about those family stories. They are tenacious, without a doubt.
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