A powerful editorial by Frank Bruni entitled "A Father's Journey" in today's NY Times has me reflecting on my own journeys.
How often do you muse about how you've arrived at your current view on any issue? Bruni's editorial about his Father's struggle with a gay son caught me a bit off guard. Discussing it with my wife, I clearly recalled a time in my life when discomfort was my usual reaction if sexual orientation came up. When did that change for me? Was my evolution gradual like Bruni's father? How much thought went into my shift? I honestly do not know.
But I do recall one conversation in the early 90's with a work colleague who had either spent more time than I with gay people or, he had educated himself more. And I'm grateful that colleague took the time to gracefully point out something ignorant I said. Call it an "aha" moment for me. Was that the beginning of my evolution toward more tolerance? Or was my colleague's gentle coaching the only thing required? Again, I do not know.
What I hope I do know is to be as kind to others on their journeys, whatever they are, as my colleague was to me.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Apres Apocalypse
The world did not end, again. So, I've decided to rub my crystal ball. How much more wrong could I be than many others who've tried this? Why not join me? Following are just three of my more snarky predictions - what are yours?
* After being released, Lindsay Lohan will be back in jail before another year passes.
* In order to sell more needless product to us narcissistic baby boomers, marketers will find at least three more "Fiftieth Anniversary Of..." non-events to celebrate in 2013.
* The 2016 presidential campaign will begin within weeks of the Oscar ceremonies.
Come on, let's not let the Mayans have all the fun, shall we?
* After being released, Lindsay Lohan will be back in jail before another year passes.
* In order to sell more needless product to us narcissistic baby boomers, marketers will find at least three more "Fiftieth Anniversary Of..." non-events to celebrate in 2013.
* The 2016 presidential campaign will begin within weeks of the Oscar ceremonies.
Come on, let's not let the Mayans have all the fun, shall we?
Friday, December 21, 2012
Givers And Takers
Imagine a continuum from one to one hundred. A one equates to someone so selfish they take but never give to others. One hundred equates to someone so selfless they give but never take from others. Where would you plot yourself on this continuum? Where would others place you?
In my last seven years working full time, one of the tools I used was a 360 degree assessment. The people in my program were asked to assess themselves on about 60 different skills, using a scale of one to five. Example of a skill to be assessed? Handling conflict. Supervisors, subordinates, colleagues and others then used that same scale to assess (anonymously) the people in my program on those same 60 skills. Part of my job was to debrief with these people a printed report showing how their own perception of each of their skills lined up with the perceptions others had of those skills. As I'm sure you'd guess, some of these conversations were difficult.
Following a recent interaction, it occurred to me how instructive it would be to have a 360 assessment on just the one issue posed in my opening paragraph. Where would family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, others place me on a taker vs. giver continuum? How aligned or mis-aligned would my view of myself be with others? And, who would be brave enough to show me my report and offer to debrief it with me?
In my last seven years working full time, one of the tools I used was a 360 degree assessment. The people in my program were asked to assess themselves on about 60 different skills, using a scale of one to five. Example of a skill to be assessed? Handling conflict. Supervisors, subordinates, colleagues and others then used that same scale to assess (anonymously) the people in my program on those same 60 skills. Part of my job was to debrief with these people a printed report showing how their own perception of each of their skills lined up with the perceptions others had of those skills. As I'm sure you'd guess, some of these conversations were difficult.
Following a recent interaction, it occurred to me how instructive it would be to have a 360 assessment on just the one issue posed in my opening paragraph. Where would family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, others place me on a taker vs. giver continuum? How aligned or mis-aligned would my view of myself be with others? And, who would be brave enough to show me my report and offer to debrief it with me?
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
That Mysterious Threshold
How many books must you love by an author before declaring that author a "favorite"?
Ludicrous question, you say? With "Homer and Langley" (2009), author EL Doctorow has reached this reading nerd's ludicrous threshold and become a favorite. Doctorow's fictionalized account of the famously eccentric Collyer brothers of early 20th century NYC managed a remarkable feat - it made me care about them. In less skilled hands their story could have evoked pity, scorn, or even disgust. Instead, using Homer as his narrator, Doctorow turns the focus from their odd behavior to their love for each other.
One reason Doctorow has become a favorite is his respect for my intelligence. I noticed the dialogue in both this book and "The March" (2005) assumed I was paying close attention; the author often doesn't say who is speaking. I've also come to appreciate his lack of showiness. At least in these last two books I've read, the writing is largely metaphor-free with the emphasis foremost on his characters, many of whom are memorably flawed. That skill was the first thing that drew me to Doctorow. The blistering and fatal pride of Coalhouse Walker in "Ragtime" is seared into my memory.
Still there wondering what my threshold is? You'll have to comment either here or otherwise or my lips remain sealed. A guy has to retain some mystery, no? A clue? OK - I've read more of Doctorow's work than is mentioned here but not ten of his books. Your turn.
Ludicrous question, you say? With "Homer and Langley" (2009), author EL Doctorow has reached this reading nerd's ludicrous threshold and become a favorite. Doctorow's fictionalized account of the famously eccentric Collyer brothers of early 20th century NYC managed a remarkable feat - it made me care about them. In less skilled hands their story could have evoked pity, scorn, or even disgust. Instead, using Homer as his narrator, Doctorow turns the focus from their odd behavior to their love for each other.
One reason Doctorow has become a favorite is his respect for my intelligence. I noticed the dialogue in both this book and "The March" (2005) assumed I was paying close attention; the author often doesn't say who is speaking. I've also come to appreciate his lack of showiness. At least in these last two books I've read, the writing is largely metaphor-free with the emphasis foremost on his characters, many of whom are memorably flawed. That skill was the first thing that drew me to Doctorow. The blistering and fatal pride of Coalhouse Walker in "Ragtime" is seared into my memory.
Still there wondering what my threshold is? You'll have to comment either here or otherwise or my lips remain sealed. A guy has to retain some mystery, no? A clue? OK - I've read more of Doctorow's work than is mentioned here but not ten of his books. Your turn.
Monday, December 17, 2012
#6: The Mt. Rushmore Series
Which four musicians would be on your Mt. Rushmore? I've been postponing this entry in the series since starting it; selecting just four is very hard for me. So, I'm hedging my bets by picking from four different genres and also saving the Mt. Rushmore of bands for another time - that's just as hard.
1. Miles Davis: He was not a nice human being and his latter day output was uneven. But Miles covered so much terrain in his long career. If you own only one jazz recording it must be "Kind of Blue".
2. Paul Simon: I wouldn't argue with those who say Dylan is more influential, but would assert Simon is a superior musician, composer and singer. He's also grown more as a lyricist and been far more consistent.
3. Jeff Beck: I know Clapton & Jimi also sing & compose. Jimmy Page is probably faster. Then there's Carlos, Stevie Ray, etc. What can I say? This is my Mt. Rushmore - you'll have your chance. Jeff is more than a rock or blues or fusion guitarist; he's an artist who paints with an instrument.
4. Gladys Knight: This was my hardest choice. Had I heard Aretha tearing up "Chain of Fools" or Natalie Cole belting "This Will Be" within the last 24 hours, my R&B Mt. Rushmore choice might have been different. But instead I heard Gladys wailing "Neither One of Us" and written in stone it was.
Thought about engraving Wolfgang Amadeus here. But I've spent a lot more hours of my life listening to the four giants above than I have to him so why the pretense?
1. Miles Davis: He was not a nice human being and his latter day output was uneven. But Miles covered so much terrain in his long career. If you own only one jazz recording it must be "Kind of Blue".
2. Paul Simon: I wouldn't argue with those who say Dylan is more influential, but would assert Simon is a superior musician, composer and singer. He's also grown more as a lyricist and been far more consistent.
3. Jeff Beck: I know Clapton & Jimi also sing & compose. Jimmy Page is probably faster. Then there's Carlos, Stevie Ray, etc. What can I say? This is my Mt. Rushmore - you'll have your chance. Jeff is more than a rock or blues or fusion guitarist; he's an artist who paints with an instrument.
4. Gladys Knight: This was my hardest choice. Had I heard Aretha tearing up "Chain of Fools" or Natalie Cole belting "This Will Be" within the last 24 hours, my R&B Mt. Rushmore choice might have been different. But instead I heard Gladys wailing "Neither One of Us" and written in stone it was.
Thought about engraving Wolfgang Amadeus here. But I've spent a lot more hours of my life listening to the four giants above than I have to him so why the pretense?
Sunday, December 16, 2012
The Countdown
According to the Mayans, we've got about five days to go. If this were really so, what would I do? I quickly realized it's much easier to poke fun at this cheesy superstition than it is to answer that tough question. What would you do?
I'd surround myself with people I love and who love me. I'd put my I-tunes library on shuffle and let it play the whole time. I'd go through my library and read as many underlined passages as I could. I'd eat all my favorite foods and look at lots of pictures. I'd try not to sleep at all. Those are the easy parts; I'm guessing many people would share at least my first piece.
For me, the next part is uncomfortable but inescapable. Who have I hurt deeply? And, if I don't use these last days to try and make amends to those people, who am I?
Bottom line: Shame that it would take an apocalypse to propel me to ask forgiveness from those I've hurt and relief that I don't believe in the notion to begin with. Not a pretty picture either way.
I'd surround myself with people I love and who love me. I'd put my I-tunes library on shuffle and let it play the whole time. I'd go through my library and read as many underlined passages as I could. I'd eat all my favorite foods and look at lots of pictures. I'd try not to sleep at all. Those are the easy parts; I'm guessing many people would share at least my first piece.
For me, the next part is uncomfortable but inescapable. Who have I hurt deeply? And, if I don't use these last days to try and make amends to those people, who am I?
Bottom line: Shame that it would take an apocalypse to propel me to ask forgiveness from those I've hurt and relief that I don't believe in the notion to begin with. Not a pretty picture either way.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Thank You Sergio, Salvio, Dan & Heather
After spending part of this morning reading about yesterday's horror, decided a walk could be a way to escape my own head. How do you get away from yourself at times like this?
Ended up in my local town, bustling with holiday activity. Picked up a few books ordered as gifts for my family, headed for the coffee shop, then stopped - live music coming from somewhere nearby. Approached four trumpeters playing Christmas carols, imaginatively arranged. Listened to several songs, then engaged these young musicians, all schoolteachers, about their music. Found out where they lived & taught & went to college; two brothers - Sergio & Salvio & a married couple - Dan & Heather. Salvio asked if I'd be interested to hear his arrangement of " O Come All Ye Faithful"; it was unspeakably beautiful. Walked away quietly weeping, unable to speak and afraid I'd embarrass myself.
No respite from sadness lasts indefinitely but the music these four strangers made had helped rescue me from a morbid immobility and for that I am grateful. How does music speak to you?
Ended up in my local town, bustling with holiday activity. Picked up a few books ordered as gifts for my family, headed for the coffee shop, then stopped - live music coming from somewhere nearby. Approached four trumpeters playing Christmas carols, imaginatively arranged. Listened to several songs, then engaged these young musicians, all schoolteachers, about their music. Found out where they lived & taught & went to college; two brothers - Sergio & Salvio & a married couple - Dan & Heather. Salvio asked if I'd be interested to hear his arrangement of " O Come All Ye Faithful"; it was unspeakably beautiful. Walked away quietly weeping, unable to speak and afraid I'd embarrass myself.
No respite from sadness lasts indefinitely but the music these four strangers made had helped rescue me from a morbid immobility and for that I am grateful. How does music speak to you?
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
I'll Take A Dozen, Please
Since most people reading this will not live another 88 years to see 01/01/01 (the next time month, day and year will coincide) why not join me on 12/12/12 and share markers from each dozen of your years? For those under 24, your job is brief. Me, not so much.
* In my 12th year (1961), two of my lifelong passions, music & reading, didn't yet have me in a viselike grip. Back then it was baseball, dinosaurs, "The Magnificent Seven". Of those three, only the movie bug held.
* 1973? Rocking n' rolling for the little $$$ I made; lots of peanut butter, potatoes & spaghetti - it wasn't "pasta" until later.
* 1985 was the year I began per diem work for the Commission For the Blind. No idea at the time my career for the next 25 years would be State Government - seven different jobs with three Departments.
* In 1997, I was halfway through my graduate program and sad my Dad left me late that year before his first born got a Masters degree.
* Barring unforeseen circumstances, 2009 will be the last full year I worked full time. Since March 2010 music, reading & writing have been the main course with a side order of movies.
How about you? If the twelve year thing is too much to chew on how about this - What were you doing at 12:12 a.m or 12:12 p.m today? Come on, January 01, 2101 is a long way away. Indulge yourself.
* In my 12th year (1961), two of my lifelong passions, music & reading, didn't yet have me in a viselike grip. Back then it was baseball, dinosaurs, "The Magnificent Seven". Of those three, only the movie bug held.
* 1973? Rocking n' rolling for the little $$$ I made; lots of peanut butter, potatoes & spaghetti - it wasn't "pasta" until later.
* 1985 was the year I began per diem work for the Commission For the Blind. No idea at the time my career for the next 25 years would be State Government - seven different jobs with three Departments.
* In 1997, I was halfway through my graduate program and sad my Dad left me late that year before his first born got a Masters degree.
* Barring unforeseen circumstances, 2009 will be the last full year I worked full time. Since March 2010 music, reading & writing have been the main course with a side order of movies.
How about you? If the twelve year thing is too much to chew on how about this - What were you doing at 12:12 a.m or 12:12 p.m today? Come on, January 01, 2101 is a long way away. Indulge yourself.
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