Which pieces of yourself do you notice shifting - even slightly - when you are away from home for more than a few days? Are you - like me - perhaps a bit more relaxed? If so, how does that increased relaxation manifest? More patience? More openness? More clarity?
And that leaves me with a question to pose to you on my behalf. If you've discovered better pieces of yourself when you're away for a while, what strategies have helped you maintain that state of grace after you return home? Thanks in advance for any suggestions you offer. Finding ways to hold onto traveling Pat after he's home might assist him later in minimizing at least a few marital brushfires, especially the ones he ignited.
I love this piece, Pat. The idea that we can keep observing/assessing ourselves at our age is not something most people consider. As we get older, I think we tend to fall back on the "I-am-what-I-am" mentality, and shrug off any suggestions that old dogs can learn new tricks. One thing that can have a huge effect on how we view ourselves and the rest of the world is some major life change -- death of a close relative or friend, medical crisis for one's self or someone in the family, retirement or a huge change in one's financial situation (good or bad) -- but you have introduced the idea that travel, which is fairly common for many people, can be a catalyst for such reassessment. That's a neat idea. Of course, you have seen it as a chance to be a better person and help you in your marriage and with the people you love. I can't help but wonder if travel could have a much different effect. If you want an example of how that might be possible, read the hilarious article "Crying Myself to Sleep on the Biggest Cruise Ship Ever" by Gary Shteyngart in this month's Atlantic (could be behind a pay wall). Being stuck for a whole week with so many people he would have gladly murdered if he thought could get away with it, did not improve his outlook on himself or the rest of humanity.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I have found that writing in my journal, as you do, also helps me in this self-assessment role. I believe we talked about this -- about the letters I wrote to my children and the ones you wrote to your daughter. In my last letter to my kids I decided I need to give them my philosophy on how to give a good life. What I came up with is this: Be kind. Be honest, especially with yourself. Work hard. Try to be happy. It's those three words after "be honest," which I really try to focus on. IMHO, anyone who insists on bullshitting himself can never have a truly honest relationship with the people he says he loves.
Jim; Thanks for the kind feedback and bigger thanks for the comprehensive comment. I especially like the credo that you shared with your children and repeated near the end of your comment. I plan to look up the Gary Shteyngart piece. The title of it reminded me of David Foster Wallace's essay about his experience on a cruise ship - "A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again"; worth checking out. BTW, more than a week later I'm still processing "Say Nothing" and I will publish a post about it (and use it as a selection for my book club) as soon as I can distill my reaction to a few paragraphs.
DeleteNice blog, Pat, and nice comments, Jim. I don't find myself being different in the way you describe when traveling. I do love to travel since I like exploring new things and not having to cook, do dishes, laundry, etc. Having said that, I agree with both of you that when we self-reflect, it is a good thing.
ReplyDeleteInes; Thanks for the comment and positive feedback. I'm guessing not having to cook or do dishes and laundry might make you more relaxed, no? That's one little shift, anyway.
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