What is your first thought when approached by a panhandler? If I'm honest with myself, I'm obliged to admit these scenarios frequently test my patience. And my reactions to panhandling - impatient or otherwise - lead me to reflect on my compassion.
Though the conversations I have with myself - as I'm initially approached and after these interactions - vary, there are some predictable elements in the way I deal with panhandling. I avoid eye contact. Almost always, I wonder why I so rarely part with any money. My guilt is short-lived.
When approached while driving, and I give nothing even after glancing down at the spare change in my ashtray - eye contact successfully averted - my shame increases. What did I just spend on a cup of coffee for my drive? My self-image as a compassionate person is tested in each of these situations, and even more acutely when I'm stingy, which is the norm. Does the recognition of my base instincts contribute to the impatience I experience? What do your inner conversations sound like in these circumstances?
About Me
- Pat Barton
- My most recent single release - "My True North" - is now available on Bandcamp. Open my profile and click on "audio clip".
Perhaps it is callous of me, but I have to believe that people can do better than begging for money. Like you, I do not ever give money to folks who are asking. Instead, I DO make eye contact. I DO give a big smile and many kind words. These are the gifts I have to share with everyone put in my path throughout my daily happenings.
ReplyDeleteThe only time I recall giving was to a mom who had a toddler and an infant. She came in while I was working writing curriculum, and asked for money. I declined but I was on my way out to buy lunch, and decided to go to McDonalds so I could get her toddler a happy meal. I was so excited on my way back to the office, hoping they were still there. They were. I approached her and asked her if I could share lunch with her and her children. NOT just give her the food, but I wanted to sit with them and enjoy their company. She was taken aback, but agreed. I let her choose from the adult sandwiches and drinks, then sat and talked "mom" with her. They were homeless and although her daughter was 5, she was unable to sign her up for school because she had no permanent address. THAT was frustrating!!! Not her needing help, but her helplessness in the situation.
My point is, I believe we feel less than compassionate in these scenarios because they are testing the very innards of our hearts, not the monetary generosity we own. It is not our obligation to give money to others, but I do believe it is our human obligation to share our hearts and our love. Eye contact and smiles cost nothing. It can be uncomfortable to begin this habit, but that's because it gives of ourselves in ways we cannot understand. Sometimes you might get nastiness in return, but that is not a trait that is unique to panderers. Most people are good...that I truly believe.
d.
d; As always, your comment reminds me why I started this blog over 6 years ago. I need to hear how other people - especially people as kind as you - deal with situations that make me question myself. Thanks for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response.
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