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Tuesday, July 20, 2021

Here And Now? Now And Then

Do you recall what age you were when you stopped wishing you could be older? What were your reasons for wanting to turn the clock ahead?  

Though I don't recall how old I was when I stopped, I do remember at least one reason for that irrational wish - wanting to be old enough to be able to drive. I suspect I'm not alone on this. I also have a vague recollection of wanting to be old enough to not have to obey my parents anymore. Because although my folks weren't as strict as the parents of some of my friends, they were far from permissive. I yearned to make my own rules.  

Now, put it in reverse (apologies to any reader more skilled than I at the here-and-now bit): That is, how old were you the first time you wished you were younger? Reason(s) for turning the clock back? 

Here my memory is clearer. I had my first premature mid-life crisis at twenty eight soon after my singing voice gave out. Because I was emotionally unprepared to support myself doing something aside from playing music, at the time I vividly recall wishing I could start college all over, i.e. be seventeen again. In an impulsive attempt to postpone the inevitable - i.e. find a job - I then stuck out my thumb and hitchhiked across the country, hoping my singing voice would return with some rest. It never did; twenty-nine loomed.

I'll spare you the details of my other premature mid-life crises. Suffice to say each was accompanied by a similar, short-lived wish for a do-over. I've had long stretches being good with the here and now but there are probably no medals awaiting me for being a good Buddhist, at least not in this life.   


  1. 29 and Holding!

    1. Anonymous; Methinks you are known to me because few people would be able to coincidentally cite the name of my last band in a comment here.

    2. What a great topic that also is in line with the book you just finished about a woman who does not age (Invisible life of Addie larue). While I have to admit feeling envious of that character initially (a lifetime to travel! READ!) the overwhelming sadness of seeing every person you grow to care about die...ultimately not for me.

      I wanted to turn the clock ahead after college prior to starting grad school at the ripe old age of 22. I wanted to be done 'studying' and finish my Masters. What I learned is we are NEVER done learning/studying, and I now wish I could turn the clock back to 22 and give some sage advice to 22 year old me.

      Thanks for posting and commenting always.

    3. Marisa; Two comments in one month from you - I hit the jackpot! Even though Addie LaRue was not a big hit for me, I think you may have something saying that finishing that novel has something to do with this post i.e. ruminating about time, aka the goon squad.

  2. Good afternoon, Pat. I hope you're all doing well. Interesting question(s) and ones that I am sure most everyone has asked themselves at one time or another. Probably on more than one occasion. I remember starting my countdown to driving at 2 years and 2 months prior to my 17th birthday. And then passing on my first try, in my parents 1972 Chevrolet Caprice - WOW!!! After that it was probably the same - first apartment, and on from there. I guess until you reach some halfway point and say ..Wait!!!
    Which leads to the second part of your post and the question I find has caused much more thought. I know I've mentioned a social media question that has been asked time and time again - 'Would you go back to HS if you could?' As for when did thoughts about going back start? Not sure I can say exactly, or be even close. But I can say that when things get difficult I have thought about how much easier it was when I was younger, less responsibility, etc, etc. I have to also add that losing my dad in 1999 definitely made me think about being younger and going back. Losing my mom in 2014 really made those thoughts more clear and more up front. Having parents, grandparents, and being lucky enough to remember my great grandparents can make it more desirable to go back, be younger, and relive those times. Not having anyone in my immediate family older than me - except for 2 siblings - definitely makes me stop and think about it. Simpler times. Not that these days aren't also great. I'm the grandparent (Pop Pop) now and am loving every moment.
    Keep these blog posts coming, my friend. These trips I get to take down memory lane are wonderful!!
    Be well,

    1. Bob; Each comprehensive comment you make helps me connect with you a little more. Since 1997, I've been the oldest one in my "immediate" family, not a fact I'd considered until this moment.