Guilt

I usually don't think of myself as someone who is prone to feeling a lot of guilt; I can be pretty selfish and that seems to keep excessive guilt at bay. Laying guilt trips on others? I suppose I'm pretty adept at that.

However, guilt does enter my thinking whenever I compare my economic circumstances to people who struggle to get by. I'm not a person of great means but my volunteer endeavors put me in regular contact with people who have far less than I.  Today another volunteer and I were discussing the compassion we feel for the people we serve and I realized compassion and guilt were seeming like two sides of the same coin. What is the difference in these two concepts for you? When does one begin blurring into the other? If/when they do blur, how do you deal with the dis-connect?

I've worked reasonably hard my whole life and do not feel as though I did not earn what I have. And I didn't walk on any backs to get where I am. For the bulk of my professional life I was a musician, a teacher, and a public sector employee - not exactly big bucks professions. But what measure of luck & circumstance played a part in putting me ahead of others economically? And how useful is guilt as a response to that inequity?        

Meeting New Smart People

What are some ways you've discovered for meeting new smart people?

Since my most recent move last year, I've tried several strategies. I've joined two book clubs & a Toastmasters group, gotten involved with two service organizations as a volunteer, gone to a few Sierra Club meetings, gotten acquainted with the local librarians, started this blog. I've had some success with each of these but I'm still looking for other ideas.

I realize it sounds elitist to restrict my search to "smart" people but I'm old enough now that my time is precious to me. And, my experience has taught me the most interesting people are the people who are the most interested; those people tend to be smart. So for this search I'm interested in the ideas of the interesting people who might read this posting. And if any of my strategies work for any of you, all the better.

And Now, For Something Completely Different

Although I've posted most days since starting this blog on March 15, I've limited the number of postings I send via Facebook (like today's) to about one a week. My thinking: I'd rather not inundate my Facebook friends; then maybe they'll want to STAY my friends and occasionally read the posting I send. I decided to use this week's Facebook posting for something completely different.

www.celticcharms.org

That link is for an organization I have been involved with for about a year as a volunteer member of the Board Of Trustees. I recently increased my involvement and now also do volunteer "handy-man" type work at the physical location in Howell Township. Celtic Charms is run and funded by an extraordinary husband and wife team named Bill & Christine Landuyt. I have learned two powerful lessons from Bill & Christine in the short time I have been involved with them:

1.) To paraphrase Margaret Mead - "Never under-estimate what one person can accomplish; all great things start with one person." Bill & Christine give of themselves tirelessly; it is hard for me to convey how hard and unselfishly these two people work. You just have to see it. And you have to see the results with the people they serve. I am humbled by their unselfish effort and exceptional generosity.

2.) Every time I watch Bill And Christine interact as a couple, I realize how far I have to go to be a better partner to my wife. I know being around them inspires me in this regard; I hope it rubs off a little.

Visit the website, please. And then tell me what you think. 

Try, Try Again

How many times in your reading life have you returned to a book that stymied you the first time? Did you crack it the second time? What was different?

I'm more inclined to try try again when a reader I really respect tells me how much they loved a book I struggled to finish the first time. And I've found a very high percentage of those books to be worth the second effort. Despite giving up the first time, Ursula Hegi's "Stones From the River"  is in my queue now based on how much my wife loved it. And most recently, I returned again to "Great Expectations" after reading Pat Conroy's memoir and being evangelized by his passion for the classics.

Which books are on your list to try again? How did they end up being there? I've many times cited "100 Years of Solitude" (Gabriel Garcia-Marquez) as the prime example in my reading life of try, try again. I started this amazing novel 3 times before Marquez pulled me into the spell. Some would say we have no obligation to an author if their work doesn't immediately draw us in. I would submit much of how something lands with us has to do with timing. If someone whose reading tastes you admire suggests you try try again, heed that advice.

The Elusiveness of Clarity

Some days, things get clear for me. I feel like I understand myself and have less trouble accepting my flaws.  Music is cleansing; food tastes better; I'm more focused. In between those days, clarity is an elusive quality for me. How about for you?

I'm not unhappy or angry on those in between days. But I come across a little less grateful and patient, so invariably people close to me will ask if I am, in fact, unhappy or angry. And though some would call this my "mood", that strikes me as an oversimplification. Today I don't feel at all in a bad mood. I feel pretty good, well rested and happy with the interactions I've had so far. But I'm not feeling particularly clear.

One of the benefits of being committed to keeping a journal is I have learned to wait out days like today, knowing a day of clarity is not far off.  On the infrequent occasions when I indulge myself and read a few successive entries in old journals, I can sometimes detect an ebb and flow i.e., days like today vs. days of clarity. Still, I've not been successful in discovering what triggers those days of clarity or how to predict when they will occur. As always, I'm curious what you have learned about this elusive quality. 

Synaptic Sparks, Part 1

Thanks to my friend Sue, I now have the expression "synaptic sparks" when I want to blog about the experience of one art form jumping to another. In my March 17 post entitled "What Do You Call This?" I asked for help naming this phenomenon and Sue came to my rescue.

While driving today I was listening to a Jackson Browne song from 1986 called "In The Shape of a Heart". As I was pulled into the mournful lyric, the loss Browne describes brought me magically to the story of "Cutting For Stone", a sprawling novel from 2009 by Abraham Verghese I finished a few months ago. Although songs and novels about loss are fairly common both this song and novel are anything but. "In The Shape Of A Heart" simply must be on the soundtrack when "Cutting For Stone" is made into a film.

OK, your turn. What's been an experience you've had with synaptic sparks? Remember, any art form is fair game:  film, literature, music, architecture, photography, any of the visual arts, etc. The only requirement is that something from one art form must leap to a different form unbidden, e.g. you're looking at a painting and presto....a song won't leave you alone. Or, you're reading a poem and presto....a building comes into your mind's eye. What prompted the spark? If you have just 5 minutes, see if you can remain unmoved when Jackson Browne speaks about loss. If you've got a lot more time and/or you're looking for a book that explores that subject in depth, try "Cutting For Stone". Today, sparks flew for me between the two.      

To List Or...Not To List?

I've just got to know - Is there anyone out there OR have you ever met someone who makes no lists? I can understand not making grocery lists or keeping a list of books you want to read or not having a list of personal phone numbers (hey, that counts as a list, whether you care to admit it or not). Although I use all of those (and others), I'm sure many people can live without those three types of lists. But, no lists at all? I have trouble imagining a person like that. Which of your lists would you have trouble doing without?

When I was a young boy, my sister once uncovered my "list of my lists". I admit this is excessive, if not necessarily certifiable, and we have since laughed about that list many times. I don't have that particular list anymore, but recently I did compile a list of all the ways/places where I write, including this blog. I suppose that is not real different than a "list of lists", so I guess it's safe to say I'll never outgrow this habit. Truth be told, I don't think I want to. How about you? Could you imagine yourself with no lists?

If your answer to that last question is no, as I suspect it is, I think you'll agree it's appropriate I borrowed from the Bard. My question is not as existential as Hamlet's but it is something many of us can relate to. Wait, I think I just stumbled onto another list - "Things many of us relate to". No, I think I'll just continue using my blog for that.

Re-Framing

Direct - blunt - tactless - obnoxious

A two day training program I just attended has helped me begin to re-frame my directness. The instrument I completed before the program called the trait of being direct one of my "talents"; that got me started on the re-framing process. When those of us with the talent for being direct were cautioned about over-using it and being perceived by others as blunt, I had an "aha" moment. I added tactless and obnoxious, additional words I've been called more than once in my life. As I continued to re-frame, I considered the possibility that those familiar words might be a consequence of this talent I have for being direct.

I've taken and administered instruments like this in my work life many times. Most people, including me, love completing them because they give us information about our favorite subjects - ourselves. This instrument was no exception. And although this was not the first time I've heard that an over-used talent (or strength or skill, etc.) can get someone in trouble, it was good to be reminded. Which of your talents gets you in trouble when you over-use it? Maybe start by thinking of some consistent criticisms you've heard and see if you can find a path back to some talent that perhaps you over-use. Then begin re-framing. And tell me about the results.