Over the last few months, I've spoken more about "This Is How: Help For The Self" (2012) than any recent book I've finished. Author Augusten Burroughs is widely known for the bestselling memoir "Running With Scissors". His new book is self-help gone awry; not for everyone but it landed hard with me.
Burroughs' off-center tone had me from the start as he describes mentally dismembering a stranger encountered on an elevator. Met anyone like this? You're minding your own business, perhaps deep in thought and (GASP!!) not smiling. Someone then takes it upon themselves to interrupt your reverie and deliver a pep talk. "Come on, think positive..." or "Would a smile hurt?", etc. Burroughs' profane remarks about this kind of mindless nincompoop are priceless. I knew immediately the book was for me.
The tender sections of "This Is How" are just as effective as the funny parts. The chapter called "How to Change the World By Yourself", describing 15 year old Claudette Colvin's decision to keep her seat on a Montgomery bus was particularly powerful. Although I knew Rosa Parks was not the first person to defy Jim Crow, her historical veneration aside, Burroughs brought Colvin's name front and center for me. I'm grateful for that.
Finally, in the chapter entitled "How To Live Unhappily Ever After", Burroughs' refreshing take on happiness gave me more solace than several self-help books I've read combined. I thought about reproducing here seven sentences from that chapter captured in my book journal. Instead, why not read just that chapter while you're in a book store or library? Even money you'll then buy or borrow this gem.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Monday, December 10, 2012
Mr. Id Vs. Conventional Wisdom
"Waste not, want not."
Who's kidding who? How can any reasonable person claim that adage is relevant anymore? Mr. Id maintains "waste more, want more" has been the default position, at least here in the U.S., for many years. Cranky, you say? Maybe, but for anyone applying that epithet to Mr. Id, answer these qualifying questions:
1.) Ever worked retail during the holidays?
2.) Do the crowds in the videos from "black Friday" seem at all rational to you?
A "no" for #1? Take off 95 points; your opinion, though less judgmental than Mr.Id's, has less grounding in actual experience. A "yes" for #2? Take off 95 points; no further explanation required.
More evidence to support Mr. Id's defiance of conventional wisdom? Try getting something, anything repaired anymore. When the current generation of shoemakers has died out, good luck getting new heels or soles. More likely? You'll be buying new shoes. Now what was that about waste again?
Who's kidding who? How can any reasonable person claim that adage is relevant anymore? Mr. Id maintains "waste more, want more" has been the default position, at least here in the U.S., for many years. Cranky, you say? Maybe, but for anyone applying that epithet to Mr. Id, answer these qualifying questions:
1.) Ever worked retail during the holidays?
2.) Do the crowds in the videos from "black Friday" seem at all rational to you?
A "no" for #1? Take off 95 points; your opinion, though less judgmental than Mr.Id's, has less grounding in actual experience. A "yes" for #2? Take off 95 points; no further explanation required.
More evidence to support Mr. Id's defiance of conventional wisdom? Try getting something, anything repaired anymore. When the current generation of shoemakers has died out, good luck getting new heels or soles. More likely? You'll be buying new shoes. Now what was that about waste again?
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Yuck...or... Yum?
How often do you entertain yourself musing about slippery words and expressions? This stuff fascinates me ( I know, I'm a geek) so I hope you'll offer up your own examples after reading a few of mine.
* When people say things like "I wonder when he/she will settle down" might they be hoping that he/she will "settle for" someone?
* How long can you hold a grudge against someone before the grudge begins holding you?
* Where is the line between showmanship and showing off?
Tomato, potahto, you say? A very precocious young relative of mine once said "You're yuck could be my yum". I haven't yet been able to improve on that wisdom.
* When people say things like "I wonder when he/she will settle down" might they be hoping that he/she will "settle for" someone?
* How long can you hold a grudge against someone before the grudge begins holding you?
* Where is the line between showmanship and showing off?
Tomato, potahto, you say? A very precocious young relative of mine once said "You're yuck could be my yum". I haven't yet been able to improve on that wisdom.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Honoring A Good Man
Aside from obvious markers like birthdays, which dates remind you of loved ones you've lost?
Because he was a World War II vet, Pearl Harbor Day reminds me of my Dad. Living through 9/11 has deepened my appreciation of the need for bearing witness. If my Dad were still alive he would be doing exactly that today; he was 23 years old on 12/7/41, the same age my daughter is now.
In addition, for reasons not wholly clear to me, my patriotism seems to be on the rise lately. My Dad was a patriot in the best sense of the word. Earlier today, taking note of the date, I felt Dad nearby.
Because he was a World War II vet, Pearl Harbor Day reminds me of my Dad. Living through 9/11 has deepened my appreciation of the need for bearing witness. If my Dad were still alive he would be doing exactly that today; he was 23 years old on 12/7/41, the same age my daughter is now.
In addition, for reasons not wholly clear to me, my patriotism seems to be on the rise lately. My Dad was a patriot in the best sense of the word. Earlier today, taking note of the date, I felt Dad nearby.
Processing A Nightmare
Without drawing much attention to the actual event, Joseph O'Neill's novel "Netherland" (2008) is the first book I've read since 9/11 to give me the eerie sense of dislocation I felt a long time after that awful day.
Hans van der Broek is a 34 year old equities trader, originally from Holland, who lives in Tribeca with his wife Rachel and their two year old son. After the Twin Towers fall, the family is forced to re-locate and like many people, Hans has trouble processing what occurred. When Rachel is unsuccessful getting Hans to be more fully present, she takes their son and returns to her family in London. O'Neill's depiction of Hans' subsequent isolation and loneliness is an accurate reflection of how adrift I felt after the attacks.
Hans then meets Chuck Ramkisson, a Gatsby-like East Asian from Trinidad, as feral as Hans is cerebral. Their unlikely bond is built on a love of cricket and their adopted home, a melting pot in shock. As the city begins rebuilding, Chuck is scheming and Hans is healing. Here the author skillfully reminded me a little bit what the gradual rehabilitation process felt like at both macro and micro levels in the years right after.
Though O'Neill's novel is not about 9/11 per se, I seem to be mentally filing it alongside the many powerful and moving essays written about that day. What have you read to help you process that nightmare?
Hans van der Broek is a 34 year old equities trader, originally from Holland, who lives in Tribeca with his wife Rachel and their two year old son. After the Twin Towers fall, the family is forced to re-locate and like many people, Hans has trouble processing what occurred. When Rachel is unsuccessful getting Hans to be more fully present, she takes their son and returns to her family in London. O'Neill's depiction of Hans' subsequent isolation and loneliness is an accurate reflection of how adrift I felt after the attacks.
Hans then meets Chuck Ramkisson, a Gatsby-like East Asian from Trinidad, as feral as Hans is cerebral. Their unlikely bond is built on a love of cricket and their adopted home, a melting pot in shock. As the city begins rebuilding, Chuck is scheming and Hans is healing. Here the author skillfully reminded me a little bit what the gradual rehabilitation process felt like at both macro and micro levels in the years right after.
Though O'Neill's novel is not about 9/11 per se, I seem to be mentally filing it alongside the many powerful and moving essays written about that day. What have you read to help you process that nightmare?
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
The Price Of Being Ahead Of The Curve
Which historical figure do you admire for being ahead of the curve on an issue from their time?
There are many things to admire about "Lincoln", the new Steven Speilberg film, not least of which is Lincoln himself. But several days after seeing the movie, the moral courage of Congressman Thaddeus Stevens of Pennsylvania, played by Tommy Lee Jones, has me researching to learn more about this remarkable man. Before seeing the film, I only knew Stevens was an abolitionist; I did not know he spoke about equality of the races 30 years prior to the passage of the 13th amendment. His foresight and bravery inspires and chastens me.
Though Stevens' brand of courage is not unique, somehow I'm awed anew every time I learn of people like him. What is your usual reaction when you're first exposed to people like Stevens? Have you ever known anyone personally with his kind of bravery? What price did that person pay for being ahead of the curve, even if they were later vindicated by history?
There are many things to admire about "Lincoln", the new Steven Speilberg film, not least of which is Lincoln himself. But several days after seeing the movie, the moral courage of Congressman Thaddeus Stevens of Pennsylvania, played by Tommy Lee Jones, has me researching to learn more about this remarkable man. Before seeing the film, I only knew Stevens was an abolitionist; I did not know he spoke about equality of the races 30 years prior to the passage of the 13th amendment. His foresight and bravery inspires and chastens me.
Though Stevens' brand of courage is not unique, somehow I'm awed anew every time I learn of people like him. What is your usual reaction when you're first exposed to people like Stevens? Have you ever known anyone personally with his kind of bravery? What price did that person pay for being ahead of the curve, even if they were later vindicated by history?
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Safe, Even With A Headache
Of the three places many of us spend a lot of hours, which one are you most likely to keep the neatest - your home, your work setting, or your car? Forget about clean for now; which one has the least clutter?
How much does the relative size of each space have to do with how neat it is kept? Assuming your car is smaller than your home, does that make your car easier to keep clutter-free or more prone to being messy? Then there is the locus of responsibility issue, i.e. unless you work at home or own the building where you work, in the end, someone else is more responsible for your work setting than you. So, does that make you feel obligated to keep the setting neat or let you off the hook?
Think now of people you know well. Which of them is equally neat or equally messy in all three places? An ex-colleague of mine has perhaps the neatest home and car I have ever seen. His office? An unmitigated disaster. My scorecard? Neat (remember: I'm not talking about clean) at home and work setting, messy in my car. How about yours?
For any readers who have said the questions in my posts sometimes make their heads hurt: Got a headache myself right now so I'm taking it easy on all of us tonight.
How much does the relative size of each space have to do with how neat it is kept? Assuming your car is smaller than your home, does that make your car easier to keep clutter-free or more prone to being messy? Then there is the locus of responsibility issue, i.e. unless you work at home or own the building where you work, in the end, someone else is more responsible for your work setting than you. So, does that make you feel obligated to keep the setting neat or let you off the hook?
Think now of people you know well. Which of them is equally neat or equally messy in all three places? An ex-colleague of mine has perhaps the neatest home and car I have ever seen. His office? An unmitigated disaster. My scorecard? Neat (remember: I'm not talking about clean) at home and work setting, messy in my car. How about yours?
For any readers who have said the questions in my posts sometimes make their heads hurt: Got a headache myself right now so I'm taking it easy on all of us tonight.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
One Key Thing
Someone recently asked me the "key" to the enduring partnership my wife and I have. I'm a little ambivalent about the question. On one hand, it's flattering to be perceived as half of a successful relationship. On the other, it feels a bit like being asked to write one's obituary, or being called a "living legend"; there's an air of finality in the question. And asking for a key to the mystery of any human interaction strikes me as simplistic; there are too many doors, each with a different lock.
But thin skinned reactions and clumsy metaphors aside, the question triggered two reflections in me:
1.) It assisted me in understanding comments several people have made about my blog, i.e. it can be intimidating to respond to penetrating and/or provocative questions.
2.) It helped me to focus on one thing, even if it's not the thing, that has sustained our partnership.
The first one that came to me? Trust. Yet as critical as trust is, our ability to surprise one another is an element neither of us could do without. How about one thing, if not the thing, that has led to your successful partnership?
But thin skinned reactions and clumsy metaphors aside, the question triggered two reflections in me:
1.) It assisted me in understanding comments several people have made about my blog, i.e. it can be intimidating to respond to penetrating and/or provocative questions.
2.) It helped me to focus on one thing, even if it's not the thing, that has sustained our partnership.
The first one that came to me? Trust. Yet as critical as trust is, our ability to surprise one another is an element neither of us could do without. How about one thing, if not the thing, that has led to your successful partnership?
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