Unlike many of my posts, I'm quite uncertain today if I have a lot of company on the bell curve; I hope to find out. If you don't want to comment publicly (or have difficulty doing so), please figure out another way to let me know if my experience has any resonance for you.
During my adult life, I have written several letters (both in the pre and post e-mail years) to different musicians, authors, and filmmakers whose work has moved me. I have mailed only one - to author D Patrick Miller about his 1994 volume "Little Book of Forgiveness". I believe the main thing that has held me back is a fear of appearing to be a deranged fan. Since I know anyone can easily choose not to acknowledge receipt of a letter from anyone else, this is clearly irrational. My letters are brief; they do not stray from discussing (in a rational way) the work that has moved me and why. Still, they are unsent letters. I have never once even been tempted to send an e-mail of this nature to anyone. Just letters - unsent.
Wally Lamb's 2009 novel "The Hour I First Believed", moved me very much. In my paperback version, the book is followed by an interview with Lamb where he talks about how he loves hearing from his readers. I wrote a letter. It remains unsent. I am mystified by my reticence. Non-therapeutic insights, anyone?
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Why Not?
While driving and reflecting on a recent personal encounter, I glanced at the inspection sticker in my car window and I thought why not?
Why couldn't there be a process where people had to have an annual civility inspection? If someone failed, they get a red sticker they have to wear and get re-inspected within a month. If they don't get re-inspected in time and are caught being uncivil they get fined. Why not?
Who does the inspections, you ask? All of us know people who are rarely uncivil to others; these same people are often the same ones who don't talk trash behind other people's backs. One of the followers of this blog, a friend of mine for many years, is one of them. Let's give the job to people like this. I know I'm not qualified, how about you? And being subject to an annual inspection could be just the thing to help me get my act together. What do you think? Why not?
Why couldn't there be a process where people had to have an annual civility inspection? If someone failed, they get a red sticker they have to wear and get re-inspected within a month. If they don't get re-inspected in time and are caught being uncivil they get fined. Why not?
Who does the inspections, you ask? All of us know people who are rarely uncivil to others; these same people are often the same ones who don't talk trash behind other people's backs. One of the followers of this blog, a friend of mine for many years, is one of them. Let's give the job to people like this. I know I'm not qualified, how about you? And being subject to an annual inspection could be just the thing to help me get my act together. What do you think? Why not?
Sunday, May 29, 2011
The Ebb & Flow Of Friendship
What are the common elements in longstanding friendships you have?
Aside from an obvious element like trust, I've been having some difficulty nailing this down. It often seems to me that the ebb & flow of my friendships is a little fickle. For example, an element as superficial as proximity sometimes seems to play an outsize role for me. Given how easy technology has made communication, I've begun to wonder if those geographically proximate friendships of mine were ever friendships at all. And seeing how my wife has maintained a powerful friendship (with and without technology) with a high school friend who has lived in Florida for 40 years, I wonder more about how real my friendships have been.
Lately I've also noticed I'm less inclined to hold onto a friendship that begins to have any whiff of competition. What has been your experience with this? Like many of you, I've seen those "friends for a reason, friends for a season" explanations about this ebb & flow. At times, I get solace from those Hallmark sentiments. Today, not so much. Today, I'm interested instead to know what you've learned.
Aside from an obvious element like trust, I've been having some difficulty nailing this down. It often seems to me that the ebb & flow of my friendships is a little fickle. For example, an element as superficial as proximity sometimes seems to play an outsize role for me. Given how easy technology has made communication, I've begun to wonder if those geographically proximate friendships of mine were ever friendships at all. And seeing how my wife has maintained a powerful friendship (with and without technology) with a high school friend who has lived in Florida for 40 years, I wonder more about how real my friendships have been.
Lately I've also noticed I'm less inclined to hold onto a friendship that begins to have any whiff of competition. What has been your experience with this? Like many of you, I've seen those "friends for a reason, friends for a season" explanations about this ebb & flow. At times, I get solace from those Hallmark sentiments. Today, not so much. Today, I'm interested instead to know what you've learned.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Back To The Bar Years
This past week, I did my first volunteer presentation for AARP on Health Care Reform. The audience was a group in Robbinsville. I was looking forward to doing this presentation from the time I attended a speaker's orientation a few months ago. From the moment I walked in the building with my stuff and no one seemed to be expecting me, I was right back to the bar years, when I'd show up with my stuff (i.e. my guitar) and no one seemed to be expecting me. My deja vu experience did not end there.
* When I met the woman who had contacted AARP for a speaker, she told me most of the people didn't know I was going to speak. Back to the bar years: In 90% + of the places I played, few people knew there would be live music on nights I'd show up. Later, the same woman told me I was to begin speaking after "line dancing" finished. Bar years: I waited to start until a ball game on TV was over.
* There was no specific "place" where I was to stand to speak and no lectern or table set aside for me to use. Back to the bar years: Many times my "stage" was the place in the bar most proximate to a working lightbulb. In some bars, I'd set up in a different place from one week to the next.
I had a great time doing my speech this past week and I will do as many as AARP asks of me. And I loved playing in the bars - wouldn't trade those years for anything. 40 years ago I played my guitar & sang in bars to people around my age. Some listened, some didn't. A few days ago I spoke to a group of people around my age. Some listened, some didn't. I met my wife while I was playing in one of those bars; she was one of the people who listened. If I get lucky enough to make one friend of her caliber while I'm speaking somewhere for AARP, I'll be really pleased.
* When I met the woman who had contacted AARP for a speaker, she told me most of the people didn't know I was going to speak. Back to the bar years: In 90% + of the places I played, few people knew there would be live music on nights I'd show up. Later, the same woman told me I was to begin speaking after "line dancing" finished. Bar years: I waited to start until a ball game on TV was over.
* There was no specific "place" where I was to stand to speak and no lectern or table set aside for me to use. Back to the bar years: Many times my "stage" was the place in the bar most proximate to a working lightbulb. In some bars, I'd set up in a different place from one week to the next.
I had a great time doing my speech this past week and I will do as many as AARP asks of me. And I loved playing in the bars - wouldn't trade those years for anything. 40 years ago I played my guitar & sang in bars to people around my age. Some listened, some didn't. A few days ago I spoke to a group of people around my age. Some listened, some didn't. I met my wife while I was playing in one of those bars; she was one of the people who listened. If I get lucky enough to make one friend of her caliber while I'm speaking somewhere for AARP, I'll be really pleased.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Searching For Greener Cyber Pastures
I surrender.
After frustrating many people who've tried to comment on my blog since I began 10 weeks ago, late last night was the coup-de-grace; all of my followers disappeared as I was writing! I live with one of those followers, so I know this was yet another glitch on blogspot, not a case of mass abandonment. As I search for greener cyber pastures, I will keep posting here only until I'm up on a better hosting site; then I migrate. I hope you will migrate with me. At this point, my two best prospects are posterous.com and WordPress.com but please stay tuned - the change is coming soon (music fans - do you hear Sam Cooke singing?)
Because I know how precious time is, I appreciate anyone taking the time to read, let alone follow this blog. So, I'm not happy making this change. The response I got from the start caused me to unduly postpone making a switch even though the comment feature is so glitchy. I also got lost in the sauce of the cool stats blogspot provides and forgot my real purpose - building a community of conversation. With the stinko comment feature here, I can't do that. So, onto greener cyber pastures. We'll see what happens.
After frustrating many people who've tried to comment on my blog since I began 10 weeks ago, late last night was the coup-de-grace; all of my followers disappeared as I was writing! I live with one of those followers, so I know this was yet another glitch on blogspot, not a case of mass abandonment. As I search for greener cyber pastures, I will keep posting here only until I'm up on a better hosting site; then I migrate. I hope you will migrate with me. At this point, my two best prospects are posterous.com and WordPress.com but please stay tuned - the change is coming soon (music fans - do you hear Sam Cooke singing?)
Because I know how precious time is, I appreciate anyone taking the time to read, let alone follow this blog. So, I'm not happy making this change. The response I got from the start caused me to unduly postpone making a switch even though the comment feature is so glitchy. I also got lost in the sauce of the cool stats blogspot provides and forgot my real purpose - building a community of conversation. With the stinko comment feature here, I can't do that. So, onto greener cyber pastures. We'll see what happens.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Mr.Id Returns
Caveat emptor.
Mr. Id proposes immediately changing the expression "going ape shit" (used for describing someone who has lost their bearings), to "going dog shit". To wit:
* Based on the dictionary definition of the word anthropomorphize, the late William Safire would surely align with Mr. Id and say a dog owner is going dog shit when they ask a human being "Have you ever met my dog?" Would that mean introducing a dog to a person? "Fido, please say hello to Mr. Id" or.. "Fido, shake hands with Mr. Id". A person can expose someone else to a rose but someone cannot meet a rose anymore than they can meet a dog. Mr. Id is not suggesting the use of the word "expose" for a first encounter between human being & dog; too suggestive in a bestial way - yech! But he would be satisfied with "Have you ever seen my dog?"
* At a recent dinner party, Mr. Id was treated to a delightful discussion of the bowel movements of the host & hostess' dog. Surely this must be a case of going dog shit. When Mr. Id was a young father he was amazed when other new parents thought nothing of bringing up toilet training etc. in polite conversation; tasteless and inappropriate. Dog shit at a dinner party? Only film Director John Waters and his transvestite star Divine have sunk lower vis-a-vis dog shit.
Full disclosure: Mr. Id is not currently a dog owner. He did own and and love many from the canine species from the time he was a young boy right through his early 40s. But...he knew they were animals so he did not ask people if they wanted to "meet" his dogs and he did not treat his dog's bowel movements as suitable conversation topics. Got any other examples of people going dog shit you'd like to share? Don't even get Mr. Id started on those little vests.
Mr. Id proposes immediately changing the expression "going ape shit" (used for describing someone who has lost their bearings), to "going dog shit". To wit:
* Based on the dictionary definition of the word anthropomorphize, the late William Safire would surely align with Mr. Id and say a dog owner is going dog shit when they ask a human being "Have you ever met my dog?" Would that mean introducing a dog to a person? "Fido, please say hello to Mr. Id" or.. "Fido, shake hands with Mr. Id". A person can expose someone else to a rose but someone cannot meet a rose anymore than they can meet a dog. Mr. Id is not suggesting the use of the word "expose" for a first encounter between human being & dog; too suggestive in a bestial way - yech! But he would be satisfied with "Have you ever seen my dog?"
* At a recent dinner party, Mr. Id was treated to a delightful discussion of the bowel movements of the host & hostess' dog. Surely this must be a case of going dog shit. When Mr. Id was a young father he was amazed when other new parents thought nothing of bringing up toilet training etc. in polite conversation; tasteless and inappropriate. Dog shit at a dinner party? Only film Director John Waters and his transvestite star Divine have sunk lower vis-a-vis dog shit.
Full disclosure: Mr. Id is not currently a dog owner. He did own and and love many from the canine species from the time he was a young boy right through his early 40s. But...he knew they were animals so he did not ask people if they wanted to "meet" his dogs and he did not treat his dog's bowel movements as suitable conversation topics. Got any other examples of people going dog shit you'd like to share? Don't even get Mr. Id started on those little vests.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Don't Try This At Home
Been paying a little more attention to the way conversations unfold lately. This goes both for those I'm involved with myself and those I happen to overhear (OK, I'm eavesdropping). Unless you want a fair share of conversations to grind to a halt, I suggest NOT trying the below at home or elsewhere.
* Eliminating talk of the weather. No news, I know. But also: I suggest not eliminating one of my family's favorites = roads and bridges, aka how did you get here today or to so and so a place last week, etc. Being very cutting edge, my family has recently expanded this rich vein to discussions of Mapquest, etc.
* Avoiding discussions of food or family or family food favorites or where/what you ate yesterday, the day before, on your honeymoon etc. Somehow my family manages to get to roads and bridges from these topics as well. ("I ate at Lubrano's last week" "Really? How did you get there?")
* Interjecting any of the taboos many of us have learned to avoid. To that venerable list I would add any mention of the color red or blue. I still get these two mixed up and that has contributed to at least one recent conversation where I was later handed a pamphlet for the John Birch Society.
If there are any conversational counter-revolutionaries out there, I'd be interested in hearing of your efforts to sustain a conversation should you try any of these things in the near future. I also encourage you to eavesdrop. Aside from getting some juicy stuff, I think you'll get support for these reflections.
* Eliminating talk of the weather. No news, I know. But also: I suggest not eliminating one of my family's favorites = roads and bridges, aka how did you get here today or to so and so a place last week, etc. Being very cutting edge, my family has recently expanded this rich vein to discussions of Mapquest, etc.
* Avoiding discussions of food or family or family food favorites or where/what you ate yesterday, the day before, on your honeymoon etc. Somehow my family manages to get to roads and bridges from these topics as well. ("I ate at Lubrano's last week" "Really? How did you get there?")
* Interjecting any of the taboos many of us have learned to avoid. To that venerable list I would add any mention of the color red or blue. I still get these two mixed up and that has contributed to at least one recent conversation where I was later handed a pamphlet for the John Birch Society.
If there are any conversational counter-revolutionaries out there, I'd be interested in hearing of your efforts to sustain a conversation should you try any of these things in the near future. I also encourage you to eavesdrop. Aside from getting some juicy stuff, I think you'll get support for these reflections.
Monday, May 23, 2011
I'm Off To See The Wizard
"We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent we do not possess than to be praised for the fifteen we do possess": Mark Twain
With a nod to Mark Twain, today I'm off to see the wizard. Since I'm OK right now in the brains, heart, and courage categories (coincidentally, in approximate descending order), I want the man behind the curtain to give me the talent of improvisation. And, I'll take it in any form - musical, verbal, mechanical. That's in order of preference. What about you? For what talent would you knowingly face those flying monkeys?
Lest I be accused of being too modest (Sue!), I do have a list compiled of the 15 talents I do possess. Actually I tally 17, but I'm not counting brains or heart or courage - all too broad. But being able to truly improvise without hesitation or inner critics would be swell. Although I've spent many years studying how to do this with music, I wouldn't mind some extra help now. Same goes for verbal improv; I love it when I come up with my own puns on the spot but as the main character in Saul Bellow's novel "Henderson The Rain King" chants throughout that book "I want..."
So do I, Mr. Henderson, so do I. And how about the rest of you Hendersons?
With a nod to Mark Twain, today I'm off to see the wizard. Since I'm OK right now in the brains, heart, and courage categories (coincidentally, in approximate descending order), I want the man behind the curtain to give me the talent of improvisation. And, I'll take it in any form - musical, verbal, mechanical. That's in order of preference. What about you? For what talent would you knowingly face those flying monkeys?
Lest I be accused of being too modest (Sue!), I do have a list compiled of the 15 talents I do possess. Actually I tally 17, but I'm not counting brains or heart or courage - all too broad. But being able to truly improvise without hesitation or inner critics would be swell. Although I've spent many years studying how to do this with music, I wouldn't mind some extra help now. Same goes for verbal improv; I love it when I come up with my own puns on the spot but as the main character in Saul Bellow's novel "Henderson The Rain King" chants throughout that book "I want..."
So do I, Mr. Henderson, so do I. And how about the rest of you Hendersons?
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