Best Of 2016

This is more fun when some of you join in and tell me and others what made the year that is ending a memorable one, using my categories or some of your own. I use this once a year post to emphasize positive events but, feel free to whine. I certainly do that enough here throughout the year.

Best reunion: Early in 2016, I re-connected with an old friend. Turns out, she'd saved the holiday letters and pictures I'd never stopped sending and then reached out after her son saw the pile and asked about me. We spoke at length last January and then re-united at her home in upstate NY over the summer. This one doubles as best gift I received in 2016.

Best new novel: Purity - Jonathan Franzen

Best new film: Manchester By The Sea

Best teaching-related moment: Shortly after finishing a class on Paul Simon, I got an e-mail from a student that sustained me for weeks. She wrote to tell me that my passion about Simon's "American Tune" had inspired her so much that she and her family downloaded the song (with accompanying lyric) and then listened to it while eating dinner. She went on to say the ensuing family conversation was " ... one of the best they've ever had ...". If I feel great about this - being the conduit - imagine how Paul Simon must feel knowing how his work reaches people.

Best inspirational quote discovered for future blog use: "Do one thing every day that scares you" - Eleanor Roosevelt

Happy New Year!!

Z: Raincheck, Please

"It is what it is."

What's your view of this endlessly repeated modern day tautology? Often upon hearing it - especially when it's used to discount pain that people other than the speaker are experiencing - I'm tempted to say well duh ... What else would it be other than what it is?

Zeno, cited as the founder of Stoicism, would likely have been aligned with those who love the whole "is" thing and its corollary - "It's all good". Is it? Reflexively spouting this second bromide - sometimes in an unsubtle attempt to shift from an uncomfortable topic - doesn't make it all good. It also doesn't absolve the speaker of responsibility for interacting with those who don't see it all as good or what it is.  Finally, saying "it's all good" or "it is what it is" doesn't magically erase deeper feelings the speaker might be avoiding. But, feelings are not Z's thing.   

Before any glass half empty clichés get hurled my way, let me say: I embrace and live the notion of looking at the bright side and not dwelling on the negative. And I understand that the use of these two hoary contemporary expressions can be an attempt to interject optimism or realism into a gloomy conversation. That said, I strongly suspect Zeno would have revered men (women couldn't get into his lectures during those particular "good old days") fond of the "...is..." and "...all good..." stuff. I also doubt that Z and I were destined for a bromance. The foundation of Stoicism taught men to be "free from passion, unmoved by joy or grief, and to submit without complaint to unavoidable necessity." I'll pass, thank you.

Garbage In, Better Sounding Garbage Out

Although I've never had any illusions, after gleefully ramming through a book like "Anatomy Of A Song" (Mark Myers), my lightweight intellect is indisputably confirmed. Why not re-read King Lear or make another attempt at Ulysses or spend reading time otherwise challenging myself? Yikes.

Self-flagellation aside, there is a bright spot. All those hours spent with eye candy have come in handy since I began teaching courses about music a few years back. Otherwise meaningless tidbits provided by books like "Anatomy..." give me geeky fuel for classroom riffs. For example: No one really needs to know that the Hues Corporation - of "Rock The Boat" fifteen-minutes-of-fame note - were originally called the Children of Howard Hughes, a moniker they changed after realizing they could be sued by the billionaire recluse. Who besides a nerd like me could ever make use of such worthless information about a one hit wonder that quickly faded into obscurity?

Perhaps you'll be surprised - or appalled - to know that garbage like this is fodder for the addled brain of yours truly when in front of a room full of people. I'm not necessarily proud of this but at least it gives me small consolation for the few hours I spent reading "Anatomy..."  Anyway, it was a Christmas gift from my wife. She loves this intellectual pygmy.    

Drama Vs. Facade

How many of you spent significant time with family over this holiday season? Compared to previous years, was there more, less, or about the same amount of drama?

Around Thanksgiving, I began reflecting on which is more exhausting - family drama or the effort it takes to maintain a façade around people who are not family. Your view? Are you more worn out after a family squabble - holiday version or otherwise - or after a non-family event requiring obligatory small talk and a perpetual smile?

I've concluded my fatigue level following either scenario is roughly equal. Almost without fail, I need a nap soon after family drama or façade-building. And though I used to think the latter did more long term damage to my soul, a shift in that perspective also seems to be underway. Stay tuned.

Teach Your Children

"There is no office higher than that of a teacher of youth, for there is nothing on earth so precious as the mind, soul, and character of the child." - William Ellery Channing

Where would the people you know line up with respect to Channing's statement? That is, how much value do the people you know place on the importance of teachers?

"Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."

Heard that one? Notwithstanding the lip service given to Channing's noble sentiment, my experience has often led me to conclude there are a significant number of people more aligned with that latter - more cynical - notion. Your experience?

I've always resisted the idea that the value of the work people choose to do and how they are paid are at all connected. And that resistance has - for better or worse - shaped me in powerful ways. But the  societal message that used to be implicit - recently more explicit - equating salary and net worth with contribution to the world, has begun to dull the inspiration I once derived from Channing's words.

Transcending Humbug

Whenever I unthinkingly move into humbug mode this time of year, one of the constants that help guarantee my mood will lift is spending lots of time with my daughter. What helps you transcend humbug? 

Mind you, she and I have our less-than-sparkling moments. But the bulk of our interactions remind me what a fine person she has become. And it's not unusual for pieces of our conversations to later appear, however elliptically, in a blog post. Her insights are wise beyond her years, her commitment to her career is inspiring, and we almost always get to play some music together. Biased, you say? Not to my face if you're smart.

Mostly, I'm grateful she seems to enjoy my company. Hard to stay in humbug mode too long when I consider that gift.

To Pursue Or Not To Pursue

What percentage of your relationships with others - family, friends, etc. are largely reciprocal? If you're at all like me, you're pursued about as often as you pursue.

That said, each holiday season I seem to reflect a fair amount on those relationships in which I'm much more frequently the pursuer. How many of these relationships do you have? If you have none - or none come readily to mind - here's the next question: How frequently are you avidly pursued? I suspect anyone who cannot readily identify any relationships where pursuer is more frequently their role is likely more frequently pursued. Simple math, no?

Once I'm down this rabbit hole, my yearly reflections toggle from logical to cynical to insecure. Logical = The person I'm pursuing - more than being pursued by - has been very busy, had personal difficulties, lost my contact info (a stretch, given technology). Cynical = My pursued person is chronically disorganized or has lost my contact info and eschewed technology. Insecure = You can figure this one out yourself.

The good news for me in 2016 was that one important relationship where I had long been the unrequited pursuer got back on equal footing. I love happy endings.  

Keeping Those Moccasins Handy

"We don't remember days, we remember moments" - Cesare Pavese

What moment have you experienced recently that you're confident will stay with you?

I've volunteered at Meals On Wheels on Monday mornings since November, 2010. The man who has delivered the supplies to our satellite location nearly every week always struck me as an unpleasant, unhappy individual. Both the woman I work alongside in the kitchen and I have tried to engage this driver in conversation on numerous occasions, only to be spoken to gruffly - or more often - ignored. Both of us had just about given up trying. 

Yesterday, this same man was glowing and - in the space of five minutes - said more to us than he had in the previous seven years. The bulk of his conversation was to rave about the new hearing aids that he'd recently had implanted.

My coaching to others about tolerance has often included that old saying  - "Try walking a mile in someone else's moccasins". After the teaching moment I experienced yesterday - one I'm sure will stay with me - I pray for the grace to recall those moccasins the next time I make a judgment about another "unpleasant, unhappy" individual.