The Miracle of Enduring Relationships

As my wife and I approach the half-century mark in our partnership, I catch myself increasingly reflecting on the miracle of enduring relationships.

Like all of you, I've known plenty of couples who have split up. And in the fickle world of celebrity, those acrimonious breakups are the tales that get the most attention. But without fail, stories of the rich and famous couples who have stood the test of time appeal to me a great deal more. The same holds true in my own social circle. I'm much more interested in hearing how grounded couples I know well have weathered their squalls vs. getting dirt on any breakup. What strategies have you observed in solid couples you know that appear to help them keep things purring? If you are in a partnership like that, what have you & your partner learned that get you through the inevitable rough patches, the occasional "feeling-in-a-rut" periods, and the unavoidable conflict that can arise with the person with whom you spend the most one-on-one time? 

I'm not speaking here of people who hang in there out of habit or lassitude. Like you, I've also known couples like that. I'm talking about folks who still value each other after decades of conversation, including hearing each other's stories dozens - perhaps hundreds - of times. Folks who support, affirm, and nourish one another. Folks who take vows like "in sickness and in health" seriously. My gratitude for my wife comes most sharply into focus after I've spent extended time with people aside from her, like a long weekend or even a vacation with friends or traveling companions or a holiday or time away with other family. For the most part, I enjoy those interactions. But I'm also relieved when the time with others is ending and I know that soon I'll return to spending time alone with my life partner. 

That consistently pleasant anticipation may not itself qualify as a miracle. But after nearly a half-century feeling that way, it sure seems close to one.