"I'm so bad with names."
How many times have you heard someone say that? Better yet, how recently did you hear someone say it? If you've been in a social situation with more than a few people recently, even money you heard at least one person say it then. Was it you who said it? How is it possible for so many people to be so bad with names?
I don't believe it is possible. There are clearly a small minority of people who have a facility for recalling names. No doubt, a similar small minority exist who truly struggle with it. That leaves the rest of us in the middle. We repeatedly tell ourselves we're bad with names. We say it to others who say the same thing back to us. We frequently think it - or even say it - near to the moment when someone is first introducing themselves. Anyone detect a pattern yet in this textbook case of self-fulfilling prophecy?
If our attention is anywhere else in the precise moment when a person new to us first says their name, the chance we will recall that name is close to zero. The many memory techniques we've been exposed to - association, using a pneumonic, repeating a name back soon after learning it, etc. - are all helpful and well tested. But no technique can replace 100% laser-focused attention in the moment. Total focus on only the name being said guarantees nothing. But if our minds are anywhere else in that moment - including how bad we are with names - we're destined to forever continue saying how bad we are with names.
Hello, Pat. Oh boy is this a timely post. Just the other day we were out shopping and saw someone we used to work with. Immediate recognition. 'How are you?" "So great to see you". "What have you been up to?" You , know .. the usual things, right? But when we were done Rose and I looked at each other and said ..'What is their name?". Funny how time - almost 6 years since we worked together - and surroundings - workplace versus shopping center - results in that forgetfulness. And that was just the most recent incident. When we are able to, we attend retirement luncheons with people we used to work with. Some we worked with many, many years ago, and some not as long ago. And, again, while I recognize the face the names escape me. I have suggested that we start to use 'Hello, My Name Is ____' stickers during these gatherings to help with those 'senior moments'. Next year is my 50th High School Reunion. Planning is in the very early stages but I have no doubt that a reunion will happen and as many that are able will attend. We had a very close class way back when. But, if the last reunion is any indication (it was 20 years ago) then once again I know I will know the face, but the name ....
ReplyDeleteThere are some tricks that can be helpful. For example introducing my wife, who I did not go to school with, and hope that the person says their name when responding. Other than that ... 'Hello, My Name Is _______' on my lapel works just fine for me.
Be well,
Bob
Bob; Although I wasn't referring so much to forgetting "previously known" names here than I was recalling a name when first introduced to someone, I can certainly understand the frustration that the former scenario creates for you (and others). In those situations, I think it is more understandable to forget and I simply will admit that to someone, ask their name and CONCENTRATE when they tell me, and then move on. Once again, this doesn't guarantee I'll remember BUT if I don't concentrate, it's almost a sure thing I won't.
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