There is, however, one small disconnect with respect to these friendships. Maybe you can relate? If so, perhaps you've got an easy-to-implement solution that has helped you minimize the disconnect?
Whenever the single most important element in our life comes up in conversation with any of these new friends - that would be our daughter - these wonderful people are missing serious context. Although a few of them have met our daughter once or twice, others have never had the pleasure. In other words, our daughter is largely an unknown to these newer friends. And, of course, the reverse is true for us, i.e., we have almost no idea of much that's going on in the lives of the grown children of these same friends. In almost all cases, we can't even insert a face into any of the pictures that have been painted for us of these people who have meant so much for so long to the people who now mean so much to us.
Not long after my wife first made me aware of this disconnect, I began wondering: Is there an easy-to-use, elegant app out there somewhere that can help with this? Even I, the reflexively disdainful cell phone basher, would welcome having an app dedicated to this end. I suppose I could start using "notes" to help me easily retrieve information about these people I may never meet but I'd still want to have a current picture alongside the critical stuff I want to remember like age, occupation, relationship status, location, # of children, etc. How better to show my newest friends how much they mean to me than by remembering things about the people that mean the most to them?
This is a sweet sentiment, Pat. And as one who came into your orbit through the shared love of writing--I know what you mean. For some reason it reminds me of John Hughes movie "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" where it's only in the end when Steve Martin pieces together John Candy's story, when he sees the full context, that he understands him. It's as if the full story of the person can't be told without those who contribute the most to it.
ReplyDeleteRegina; Thanks for the comment. I really like how you concluded the thought. Appreciate you reading my blog.
DeleteThis a really interesting thought bubble, Pat. For most of us, our children and grandchildren are the center of our lives, but we try to refrain from talking about them too much out of fear of boring our friends or engaging in a game of one-upsmanship. As far as I know, you are not on Facebook, which is a place where some people post information and photos of their progeny. Of course, it's easy to roll one's eyes at the over-enthusiastic parent/grandparent who never seems to stop posting examples (i.e., bragging) of how successful and deliriously happy their family is. (I have a DIL who fits this example to a tee.) Anyway, the best way I can think of to find out about unseen family members of friends is simply to ask. Whenever I do so, I usually find a wealth of joyful family stories from some, and from others, an opportunity to reveal their deepest pains about the heartaches that those people closest to us can bring.
ReplyDeleteJim; Thought bubble, huh? I agree the best way is to ask and also agree that's when you hear the stories. My issue is more about remembering what I've been told so that I can show any new friend that what means a lot to them is of enough interest to me that I'm willing to devote mental energy to recalling.
DeleteI do not have children or grandchildren but do have great nieces and nephews. As much as I would love to share stories and pictures on FB, their parents do not allow their names or photos on any social media sites. I agree and totally respect this decision and think this is a growing trend as many of us worry about safety and privacy issues.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous; Thanks for the comment. I support the position of your relatives who restrict the posting on social media.
DeleteI don’t think anyone expects an acquaintance to recall the details of their family. Really, you want an app? If you want people to recall info about your daughter, just tell them and you will get info about their family in return.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous #2: Thanks for the comment. In this post I was not referring to acquaintances but new people in my life I consider friends. And the app was intended to be a tongue-in-cheek "solution" to my disconnect. Guess I didn't put my tongue squarely enough in my cheek. Maybe next time.
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