Words That Can Haunt Me, Part 15: Repentance

repentance: remorse or contrition for a sin, wrongdoing, or the like; compunction. 

Because sin is frequently included in the definition, until recently I rejected using repentance as a word for this series. Sin reminds me way too much of excruciating childhood time spent sitting in a curtained booth waiting for a panel to slide open as I tried to remember how many times I'd taken the Lord's name in vain over the past several weeks.

But Nadia Bolz-Weber's profane 2013 theological memoir "Pastrix", has helped repentance earn a spot alongside legacy, risk, and humility as a concept with the capacity to haunt me. When Weber speaks of her repentance, she describes "...thinking differently..." after realizing how one of her actions or attitudes has harmed someone. And though I'm not mired in remorse for my wrongdoings - be they insensitive words or stupid, selfish actions - it's also difficult for me to forgive myself my trespasses at times. If you couple this difficulty with my good memory, you can probably see how repentance - at least in Weber's formulation - could be troublesome. How about you? How frequently do you find yourself repenting?

"It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself - to forgive. Forgive everybody." Maya Angelou's wisdom crossed my radar the same day I finished the clearly not-for-every-taste "Pastrix". That sent me down a different rabbit hole - How to balance the amount of "thinking differently afterwards" that Weber suggests is central to true repentance with the self-forgiveness advocated by Angelou? Insights, anyone?