Learning about geology, whether via a book or spending time with folks well-versed in the subject - as I did these past few weeks while on vacation - frequently propels me into metaphor-overdrive.
Primed by a few ranger-led talks about geology while hiking in Joshua Tree National Park, I found myself referring to erosion in my first conversation with some folks from the Road Scholar group who would be our fellow learners hiking through Death Valley for a week. But my conversation with these folks was not about how rocks are eroded over time by water.
Instead, while describing how I've watched the slow deterioration of a relationship from my personal life, I heard myself using the word erosion. The more detail I revealed about what I've observed over the many years I've spent with the people involved, the more the word erosion felt totally appropriate. A divisive or toxic person has much the same effect on people as water eroding rocks. Fissures are created and grow slowly enough that sometimes the people involved don't notice the way they're being pulled apart from one another like rocks by water. Or, the growing distance seems just the "natural" process of time passing. Either way, as the chasm deepens, the water does its work with less resistance. Soon enough - if not in geologic time but in the time allotted to us as humans - the gulf gets so wide it feels unbridgeable.
The folks watching the split - like me - can try to point out what they're observing to those involved, i.e. to the rocks, if not the water, which is simply doing what water does. But as the water inexorably flows, what once was solid is no longer so.
Pat, Interesting post. Although I have certainly had my share of relationships ending, I've don't think I've looked at them as eroding over time. Or, better said, I've not used your metaphor to describe them. I have found that over time these relationships will slowing start to fade - less contact, fewer calls/messages - until one day you find yourself saying 'I wonder what happened to ...?' And I can be just as guilty o letting things go. The relationships that have ended over fights, disagreements, etc, are sometimes easier to accept than the ones that just end, there's still the sense of loss that accompanies each one. Thankfully I am finding that, although no where close to what it once was, social media has allowed me to reconnect with so many people from years ago. Seeing how the many friends I had in HS and college, as well as earlier in my life, are doing now - kids grown, married, grandkids, retirements - makes the years seem fewer than they really are. And, the accompanying sadness over loss - parents, spouses, and even some friends - is eased, even if only a little bit, when able to be expressed, shared and condolences offered. Although I agree with your metaphor, I realize I am once again drifting away from your post. But, it certainly had me thinking - as they usually do.
ReplyDeleteBe well,
Bob
"Anonymous" Bob; Thanks for the comment. Like you, I've had many relationships that have "faded" over time. To me, sad as it can be, that is a more natural course of events with people. Here I was more referring to people who drive wedges between others - the water, if you will - and the effect that eroding influence has on a relationship that use to be solid. It's slow and inexorable but insidious and in my case, it's been painful to watch two people who used to be close driven apart by that third toxic person. Call it poisoned water to extend the metaphor.
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