Of the many ways we are shaped, I suspect few people would disagree that the imprint our parents make on us is the most enduring. I count myself among the fortunate in this regard. Both my parents were solid, steady, common sense people. They were loyal to each other, unreservedly devoted to their four children, hard working. I grew up feeling safe and cared for. Growing into adulthood, I felt supported in my choices.
Dad was born in 1918, Mom in 1920, making both of them adolescents during the worst years of the Great Depression. Growing up in those years profoundly shaped my parents. And the older I get, the more clearly I can see how their experiences during those difficult years were later imprinted on me and, how tenacious they remain to this day. I also see a similar imprint in both of my sisters and my brother. If your parents spent their formative years weathering the Great Depression, how much of yourself do you see in my story?
More than a few times over our forty-five years together, my wife has pointed out to me some of the ways this imprint shows up. Clothes retained far too long, burnt toast eaten instead of discarded, saving for multiple rainy days. Despite those extreme examples - and several others that could have been easily jettisoned years ago - this particular parental imprint has served me well. I never lived beyond my means, was always able to change when a job no longer suited me, saved enough - with my wife's help - to put a child through college debt-free.
https://reflectionsfromthebellcurve.blogspot.com/2021/12/better-late.html
As alluded to in the post above, I suspect I'll never fully escape some of the silliness attached to this parental imprint. There are certainly worse things. As always, I'm curious: Which of your strengths, weaknesses, or quirks - in the financial arena or otherwise - do you see as directly linked to a parental imprint?
The imprints from my parents are classified as either the best of both or the worst depending on the situation. Both my parents experienced the depression era, but responded differently to its lessons. My dad was raised by his widowed mother who had five children ages 4 - 12. Her husband died in 1903, when my dad was 6 years old. He was schooled to be self-reliant, hard working, honest, and frugal. My mom arrived from Ireland in 1929. She had left home to find employment in London when she was 16 years old. By 19, she was on her way to USA. She worked in Schrafts Restaurant in Newark. She was met by neighbors at the bus stop each evening and disperse what food she could get to feed them. My dad was a rock and supporting his family was his driving force. My mom took a cruise to nowhere with her wages in the midst of this era. She took cabs and my dad rode the bus. Occasionally, my mom brought us to Olympic Park and blew $50.00 to counter my father’s inability to splurge. While my father’s imprint took hold on his five kids, my mom’s adventurous spirit and ability to enjoy the present is a strong vibe, too.Glad I got both imprints. My mother’s imprint is definitely more fun, especially when it is infused with dad’s wisdom.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous; Thanks for your honesty sharing some of the story of your parental imprint(s). Your comprehensive response to my questions is exactly what I've been aiming for since starting my blog. I especially enjoyed your concluding sentence, i.e., the fun of your Mom balanced with the wisdom of your Dad. And, I also agree with your opening sentiment, i.e., "...the best and the worst..." Kind of a Dickens ring to that, no?
DeleteThe imprints left behind for me were the worry on my mom's face and the limited time my dad had to spend with me and my siblings.
ReplyDeleteI spent much of my professional life fighting for work life balance and the ability to just enjoy life.
Anonymous #2; Thanks for the revealing comment. It's intriguing to me how the phrase "work-life balance" is so tied to our modern era. My Dad also had limited time to spend with me and my siblings but that phrase was not part of the lexicon in the 50s or early 60s when the four of us were growing up. Dad (and Mom for that matter) would instead have called himself a "hard worker".
DeleteI will not write as lengthy a comment. My parents (born 1915 and 1916) were not so much shaped by the Depression as WWII. They lived in Germany during the war and suffered greatly. I remember my mother telling me that she and her friends would pool together their butter and sugar to make a cake that they could all share. Today we take the availability of these "staples" for granted. Growing up there was never wasted food and I continue that to this day. My parents were frugal but generous. I like to think I am the same. My father always paid for things in cash and saved enough money to live comfortably in retirement and there was still enough money left to give me enough for a down payment on the beautiful house in which we live. What a legacy!
ReplyDeleteInes; Length notwithstanding, always appreciate learning more of your story via your frequent comments here. And I'm with you on the "wasted food" bit as referenced in my post (viz "burnt toast"). Finally, both congratulations to you and kudos to your Dad are in order for the legacy he left you.
DeleteHey Bob; My experience has shown me that most - not all - people who had parents like yours and mine become parents who show their children the same love and care ours showed us. Thanks for the comment and sharing more of your story with me.
ReplyDelete