A Mysterious Relationship

What is your relationship to food?

I suspect some of you might have difficulty answering that question if you are at all like me. For me, food is primarily about sustenance, i.e. I eat when hungry (exception: free samples) and usually stop when full. For the first 30 years of my life the words relationship and food never struck me as belonging together.

But early on in our partnership, and long before our daughter was born, my wife began educating me about how the simplicity of my relationship to food was not universal. For every book I read about music or movie ephemera, she read two about the link between food and love, food and stress, food and family. By osmosis, I learned how complicated this relationship can be. And when our daughter was still young, I fully recognized the importance of teaching her about the relationship.

Although this is a topic ripe for judgments, that is not my intent. Instead, I'd like to hear about your journey, what you've uncovered about this mysterious relationship, and if you're a parent, what you've tried to impart to your children.

 

Rockin' Heaven Down

Over the last 20 years, my enjoyment of concerts by rock musicians of my age group has been touch and go. For every Joe Jackson or Boz Scaggs show that has delighted me there have been dispiriting affairs by many others, including artists who used to be favorites.

Watching Heart tear it up on TV the night they were inducted into the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame was encouraging; seeing them live recently was inspiring. What was the last concert you attended that similarly inspired you? Two quibbles to get out of the way: The sound at PNC Arts Center continues to be atrocious. And, I would have enjoyed hearing more than one new tune even at the expense of all those great hits.

Putting that aside, Ann Wilson was in extraordinary voice and her sister Nancy shares with the exceptional Bonnie Raitt a rare distinction - a woman who plays fierce electric guitar. The Wilson sisters have always had a good ear for superb supporting musicians; their current band fits the bill. Finally, their generous encore was a Led Zeppelin feast. Though Zeppelin was never a personal favorite of mine, the way Heart attacked those songs was ferocious and very un-ladylike. Cool.   

Sleepers Anonymous

Support groups are designed to help people feel less alone, ostensibly because the stories people tell in those groups often share elements with the stories of others. In my experience, books can sometimes serve a similar function.

After finishing Jeanette Winterson's harrowing 2011 memoir "Why Be Happy When You Could be Normal?", I had two gratitude-tinged reactions:

*Continuing gratitude for being raised by two reasonably sane parents, not unlike how I felt after reading "The Glass Castle" by Jeanette Walls and...
* New gratitude when the author revealed that her default coping mechanism is sleep.

Thank you Jeanette. Sleep has always been my main coping mechanism but I haven't uncovered a support group called "Sleepers Anonymous". Your memoir made me feel less alone. Any other closet sleepers out there? If not that, what is your default coping mechanism? Ever read a book that gave you the solace that Winterson's gave me?

p.s. My blog silence for the past three days has been technology-induced. This post courtesy of the Monmouth County Library. If home PC problems persist, my near future posts could be a bit erratic.

Moving Toward Four Saturdays

Which day of the week has shifted for you throughout your life the way Saturday has for me?

From first grade through age 17 I had one Saturday, that great day following Friday when school was done and the whole weekend was mine. Then, starting soon after high school graduation, Saturday was lost to me until I was about 35. During my college years, I worked almost every Saturday, though playing drums did not always feel like work. Still, the day wasn't wholly mine like the first 17 years.

I didn't get Saturday back until my playing music full time and then retail years were over. This is no exaggeration; I recall turning down many invitations for things others looked forward to on Saturdays - barbecues, parties, that irreplaceable night of the week when friends were usually around etc.

I finally got back my one Saturday during the years 1985-2010. But here's the good news. Beginning March 2010, I got promoted - three Saturdays each week! Monday, Thursday and Friday have part time work and volunteer commitments. That leaves both Tuesday & Wednesday feeling like two additional Saturdays most weeks. 

So, any parties during the day on a Tuesday, Wednesday or Saturday, count me in. Or, if you want to hang out on a Tuesday or Saturday night, the next day is Sunday either way. Wednesday night is good too but I might have to hang up the rock n' roll shoes a bit earlier, say 2:00 a.m? That is, until I ditch my Thursday commitment and move into four Saturdays each week.   

Take 2 And...Action!

http://reflectionsfromthebellcurve.blogspot.com/2013/05/action.html

After posting the above on May 15 and getting no response despite my begging, occurred to me people might be more comfortable if the focus of that imaginary movie was not them. After all, not everyone is as solipsistic as a blogger, right?  So here's another chance. Ready? Take 2 and ...Action!

Who have you've known that has had enough punch in their life to make that life an interesting movie? Again, don't worry about length. Rewind through the cast of characters from your own life and tell me and others about the pieces from another individual's life that would make compelling film. What are the key element(s) leading to your selection? The person's dynamism/charisma? Their talent? Intellect? Interests? Experiences? Uniqueness?

This exercise was more fun than my self-centered original. And, because I've been fortunate enough to know loads of interesting and interested people, my cast keeps growing. Now I've started matching up actors to my friends - what a blast! I need Halle Berry's contact info. She was born to play the human tsunami who was the Director of an organization where I worked from 1991-2003.    

   

Declarations On Independence Day

As someone prone to criticize but slow to praise the United States, today seems an ideal day to reverse that paradigm. Taking anything for granted, even a country, is short sighted. Join me. What are your declarations on Independence Day?

* I'm proud of the bill of rights and especially partial to the first amendment declaring freedom of religion, speech, press, and assembly. For all our arguments, where would we be without those freedoms?

* While on the Constitution, I'm real fond of the checks and balances established there. Anytime one of the three branches lets me down or oversteps its bounds, it's nice to know the other two are there to provide ballast. It's a pretty cool set-up, don't you think?

* Though I know it's hokey, and am also aware lots of people were dragged here against their will, I'm proud of how the U.S. continues to (mostly) welcome people from all over the world. Lots of challenges go with that "give us your tired..." motto, but July 4th reminds me how this country has made that work as well as most.

  

A Pitch For Stage Five

Though not hard and fast, over the past several years a pattern has emerged regarding my evolving opinion of books completed. Curious how much of this sounds familiar to other readers.

Stage 1: My immediate reaction as I read the last sentence. With many novels and some non-fiction, there may have been inklings all along but until finishing, my big picture opinion feels incomplete somehow. I know; a little anal-retentive.   

Stage 2 or Stage 3 (where applicable):  My wife asking "What did you think?" When this stage occurs (a 50-50 shot), my stated opinion is usually terse. And though my view has often not yet fully evolved, expressing something aloud, distilled to its essence, actually helps the ongoing processing of what I've finished.

Stage 2** (if my wife asks much later or never asks) or Stage 3:  My book journal entry. Like stage 1, this is automatic. After three+ years, the book journal discipline is now a non-negotiable in my life, like meditation and exercise. As David Hare famously said "Writing is the act of self-discovery"; when I complete the entry, my opinion invariably gets deeper although not granite-like, I hope. **If my wife asks after my entry and I hear myself say something not written, I do not revise the entry. But I have been tempted.

Stage 3 or Stage 4 (where applicable): A book club discussion. Although here I'm even less prone to the temptation of revising a book journal entry, this stage, where applicable, clearly contributes to my long view. How sad for me if I were unable to be occasionally persuaded by the differing views of discerning readers.

Today? Stage 1 and 2 (the wife version) have taken place re David Wroblewski's 2008 novel "The Story of Edgar Sawtelle"; stage 3 - later today or tomorrow, stage 4 - July 17. That leaves the far less frequent, if always desired, stage 5 - a discussion with one or more of you.

The Big Three

How much effort do you expend steering clear of politics, religion and money in conversation? Which of the three subjects gives you the least difficulty? The most?

A faithful reader of this blog recently commented on my avoidance of all three, suggesting I might be playing it too safe. There could be some truth to that. However, it's equally plausible my reluctance is more about lack of confidence vs. lack of nerve. My few published posts about the big three have taken me an inordinate amount of time to write as I searched for a tone that didn't strike me as shrill. I've got plenty to say about the big three but I'm still a little short of the writing chops that will allow me to express myself persuasively yet not obnoxiously. And it's not real different for me in conversation.

For me, religion usually gives me the least difficulty, although it's far from easy. Politics and money? A tie for most difficult. So to my compassionate critic who called me on this, I'm going to try dipping my toe into religion a little bit more first and see how that goes. To the rest of you - let me know how I'm doing. Politics and money? God only knows.