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Sunday, August 7, 2022

RIP: Headline in Advance

It's safe to say that when my time is up, the NY Times will not be featuring me on its obit page. That inescapable reality has not prevented me from occasionally fantasizing what the headline of an obit in the Times would say. Why not join me today in some harmless fantasizing?

Pat Barton, world-renowned vehicle packer and refrigerator organizer, dies at 102 (Told you it was a fantasy, didn't I?)

Each time I pack a vehicle of any size, whether it's to help someone move or when going on vacation or, most recently, de-camping from the resort where my daughter was married, anyone observing me marvels at my world-class skill doing so. It's no mystery how this dubious talent came to be - many years packing rundown vans and/or U-hauls during my rock n' roll road era. So much for skeptics who've said my dissolute young adult life conferred no long-lasting benefits.  

My equally extraordinary ability to fill a refrigerator to its total capacity is of a piece with that packing skill but comes in handy far more frequently. Anyone who doubts this talent is worthy of a half page NY Times obit, invite me to your next Thanksgiving dinner and try not to be dumbfounded watching me do my magic. 

Your turn.     

   

11 comments:

  1. Thanks for the laugh. Are you equally good at kitchen drawers? If so, come on over! In terms of my talents, I am known for organizing trips.

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    1. Ines; You're welcome; always pleased when I make someone laugh. For the record, I'm not as world-class with kitchen drawers as I am with vehicles or refrigerators. However, next time I'm organizing a trip, I may call on you.

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  2. My only comment is that on my tombstone I want these 2 lines - Joe Morena "held over by popular demand, and as Groucho once said "HELLO I MUST BE GOING"

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    1. "Anonymous" Joe; Thanks for the comment. I love that Grouch epitaph!

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  3. it's true this is a very special skill of yours

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    1. A; So now you know what to use as my epitaph, along with the toilet paper bit.

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  4. Good afternoon, Pat. A talent among talents. Although I have had my moments with loading a refrigerator and a u-haul, based on how confident you sound, I'll not offer any challenge to that feat. However, I do consider myself very skilled at packing a grocery bag while the cashier is ringing up our purchases. Admittedly, it was a little easier before the plastic bag ban - somehow I haven't yet been able to properly coordinate getting my bags ready in time for the items as they come down the conveyor belt - but, still, a very good trade-off. And, 102 ? I'd certainly take that.
    Be well,
    Bob

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    1. Bob; Thanks for the comment. You made a wise decision to not challenge my pre-eminence re vehicle packing or refrigerator organizing. I will be on the lookout for you in my local supermarket that is, once your world-class technique has been perfected with your own bags.

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    2. Bob, be on the lookout for Pat at your local supermarket. He has been known to grab people in the derriere while they are shopping.

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    3. Bob; No need for alarm, despite Chris's warning. I learned my lesson about grabbing derrieres of shoppers after the one occasion when I did so and said derriere did not belong to the person to whom I thought it belonged. Fortunately, this embarrassing incident pre-dates the MeToo era which means I escaped arrest.

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    4. Thanks for the additional laughs ... Enjoy the day

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