Anthropology For Dummies

"The freshly created space where once there had been a joint was now a gelatinous infinity of torture."

That sentence is taken from early in Lisa See's 2005 novel "Snow Flower & The Secret Fan". Since reading her book months ago, I've been unsuccessfully trying to understand how cultural practices that torture women continue to exist. Lisa See asserts the custom of footbinding has still not been totally abandoned in parts of rural China. When the author described agony seven year old girls endure to meet an ideal of beauty that includes having feet that never get beyond a size two, I squirmed. And I was only reading a book; I'm incapable of imagining that kind of pain.

Yet as agonizing as footbinding is, women in other parts of the world endure worse. To any reader who majored in anthropology- Is there a culture where men are subjected to intentional mutilation? Creating eunuchs through the castration of young boys is part of an ancient past. Yes I know I'm being culturally insensitive so take your pick of epithet - narrow American, clueless Westerner, hopeless ethnocentrist. Guilty, guilty, guilty. But I still don't get how intentional mutilation of women persists in our modern world. In this particular instance, throw whatever epithet you want at me; I'm comfortable being ignorant.    

Replacing (Not Retiring) A Word

Aside from missing many of the people I worked with and some of the work I did from 2003-2010, I love being retired. But that word retired and the stereotypes that often accompany it are getting on my nerves.

I can hear you out there: I don't stereotype, you protest. Nonsense, that's the same as claiming you're without prejudices. We all stereotype from time to time and we all pre-judge situations or people frequently; it is otherwise near impossible to make sense of all the information coming at us. Can anyone reasonably claim the word retired has never conjured some picture in their head? Crossword puzzles? Florida? Green shoes or belt on a golf course? Gray and/or thinning hair? (For the record, I fit that last stereotype).

So, much as I dislike euphemisms, and at the risk of appearing over-sensitive, I'm retiring the word itself. I'm replacing retired with "ceased full time work". Just 4 syllables vs. 3 so it's almost as easy to say as "GWB" is instead of "George Washington Bridge" . BTW, ever noticed how both of those are three syllables, even though one is 3 letters and the other 3 words? I've always wondered why traffic reporters bothered in the first place; it's not like they're saving any breath. Pat, who has ceased full time work, signing off for now.

Buzzed By Civility

Every time I patronize my local convenience store, most people, including me, go out of their way to hold the door for others. It's a civil gesture albeit an easy one to extend to others. Is the fact that it is so easy why it's so prevalent? What are other situations where each of us can add more civility to the world? Do they have to be as easy as holding a door? How willing are we to be more civil to one another?

Sometimes I'm not as civil when driving my car as I could be. How about you? And though I'm not someone who cruises parking lots searching for a spot "close" to wherever I'm headed, on occasion I've gotten into one of those silly waiting games/power struggles with another driver over a space that is opening. The civil route? Let the other driver have the space. Does it really matter who saw it opening "first"?

Do you recall how many people thought they felt a difference in the level of public civility immediately following 9/11? How sad it is if I need something that horrific to remind me to work more purposefully at this. I love how I feel at that convenience store - there's got to be other ways I can get that buzz. Your ideas?        

Upend That Cliche

How many times have you heard "It's such a small world"? You know the story - Someone runs into someone they know while skiing in the Alps, snorkeling in the Bahamas, walking in NYC, etc. The next twenty times you're out, pay attention to how many people you see who you have never before laid eyes on. Then remember to upend that cliche and use this alternative: "It's a really big world."

Not convinced? OK, how about this one - "The time just goes by so fast."  Attended any dance recitals  where the person you came to see was on stage for 3 minutes over the span of 4 hours of endless tutus? How about swim meets held in a steamy indoor pool? A grammar school play on the last night when the cast is thanking everyone including the janitors? I defy you not to think - "Time goes by really slowly."

By now, any regular reader of this blog knows I have a big collection of these groan-inducing cliches I'm prepared to de-construct. But I'd like to know instead which ones make you want to run away.

Not The Cleavers, But...

Although we've had our bumps, when I reflect on my relationship with my brother and two sisters, I feel pretty lucky. Somehow we've managed to avoid the most common pitfalls that can drive families apart. 

Based on recent stories friends have shared, I suspect coming from modest means has helped us more than hurt us. How many families have you heard of that disintegrated over money? Since we became adults, I believe it's also helped that none of us have lived together for more than a few months at a time. Until two years ago, each of us lived 45 minutes to an hour away from the other three; close, but not too close.

The thing that gives me the most pleasure? How we're all there for each other's kids. Last night my daughter and I began rehearsing songs we'll perform at her cousin/my niece's wedding in July. It's full circle - I sang and performed at my sister's wedding (mother of the July bride) 30 years ago August. Would be good to hear some nice family stories from any of you. Seems like lately I've been bombarded with the other kind.

Time For A Trade

Of the factors that occasionally block my creativity, needing the approval of others is the one that bugs me the most.

I frequently reflect on how liberating it would be to not care at all about what others think of what I create. When I hear a musician ignore conventional harmonic guidelines, like Andy Summers does in his guitar solo on the Police song "Driven To Tears", I'm exhilarated by his bravery and demoralized by my own musical timidity. On more than one occasion, I have agonized about something I create for a blog. Often, I'll skip posting that day rather than risking disapproval.

If my wife reads this post, she will no doubt think a phantom has taken over today. Over our 34 years together, she has many times commented on how little I care what others think. And when it comes to my general appearance (grooming, clothes, etc.) and my lack of tact, her assessment is largely accurate. Perhaps it's time for a trade - i.e. begin seeking approval in those domains (saving my wife some embarrassment in the bargain) and shed my need  for approval in the creative arena.    

Enough Pre/Se-quels & Re-Makes Already

Is anyone really looking forward to "Pirates of the Caribbean, Part 6: Jack Sparrow Is Senile"? With so many great books not yet adapted to film, is "Rocky Boxes Rambo", the best Hollywood can do?

I respectfully request your list of terrific authors who have been under-represented on film to date. I'll go first but only if you promise to join in. My criteria, which need not be yours, is choosing authors who have had very few films made from their substantial catalogue yet each is a fairly traditional storyteller.

1.) Barbara Kingsolver - Suggestion: Start with "Poisonwood Bible" - can't miss. "The Lacuna" or "The Bean Trees" are also a sure bet. Casting suggestions available upon request.
2.) Anne Tyler - How about "Saint Maybe"? "Ladder of Years"? "Digging To America"? Lots more where that came from.
3.) John Updike - Here are mysteries to ponder: How come a sequel-crazy Hollywood does not run with the 3 later Rabbit books? Why didn't they follow the witches of Eastwick after they became widows? I mean Cher, Michelle & Susan (not to mention Jack) are still with us. "Bech: A Film", anyone?

Yes, I have a longer list but it's your turn now. And as much as I like Elmore Leonard, John Irving & Philip Roth, their books (leaving aside the ubiquitous Stephen King) have had quite a run; it's time for our choices, right? I mean who really cares what happened in that galaxy far, far away even a longer time ago?

Check In: 11/24/2029

Given my lifelong good health, current condition, and family history on my father's side, my odds for a long life are better than average. However, upon reaching age 80 here are a few modifications I'm planning:

1.) Return to the beer drinking levels of my 20's
2.) Pay no attention to the fat content in my diet
3.) Eat as much dessert as I please

If anyone remembers this 17+ years from now and observes me reneging on this reckless pledge, feel free to punish me in any way an 80 year old can be punished; good luck with that. Since I'm likely to have forgotten it myself, any chastising I receive will probably add some welcome excitement to my 9th decade.

How about you? What "healthy lifestyle choices" are you looking forward to abandoning after you've exceeded actuarial expectations? Come on, own up.