The dynamics of human communication are endlessly fascinating. While listening to a friend describe the difficulty he has communicating with his brother, I began reflecting on predictable breakdowns I have with my own siblings. I love them all at the same time as I frequently wonder how little they seem to get me. And I'd be surprised to learn that all three of them haven't had similar thoughts about me from time to time. Any of you with siblings ever had similar wonderings?
I'm guessing most of you would agree that our earliest communication models are those we learn by observing our parents speaking to each other. Then, if we have siblings - and especially if they are close in age to ourselves, as mine are to me - we begin building models with them that become highly influential in our early development as communicators. In effect, we're practicing. What works? What doesn't? What will elicit a positive response? What will annoy? Which of the techniques I'm trying out on my sisters or my brother will endear me to other people? Which techniques seem to alienate? Which will make me popular? Which should I avoid?
All that ran through my brain as my friend continued bemoaning the communication breakdowns with his brother. I re-played breakdown after breakdown with own my siblings from childhood, through adulthood, right up to the present day. Then my mind moved to lasting friendships I've built over those same years, friendships based on respectful communication. My final wondering: When will I stop practicing on people I love?
A complex issue indeed and you touched on it brilliantly: the models established by our parents, without explanation or reasons, in contrast with the mutual respect ( and may I add admiration) we extend to our cherished friends. I now have decided this will be my starting point in understanding where I am in my relations with my siblings- thank you!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous; Thanks for your comment and positive feedback. I'm pleased if I spurred you to a "...starting point..." re relations with your siblings. I suspect most people - if they give it enough thought - realize there is always work to be done in that arena.
DeletePat,
ReplyDeleteFor me, what perplexes me is how, why, and when distance comes between family members. I am the third of 4 in my family. I have always been close with my sister - 5 years older than me. From my earliest memories we have always been there for each other. The same can't said about my 2 brothers but I do have much more contact with my older brother than my younger one. And it's the same way between my sister and her relationship with my brothers. I am sure there are reasons for this distance but despite - usually one sided - efforts to change it ... well, I think you can see where this goes. Please don't get me wrong. It is always very civil and nice when we do talk. It's just that it is so infrequent. Sad actually, but it's been this way for so long that I doubt it will change anytime soon.
Be well,
Bob
Bob; Thanks for your honest and revealing comment. I'm fortunate to have regular contact with all three of my siblings. The communication breakdowns between us have always been - and continue to be - something needing regular attention.
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