"But...They Seemed So Happy" (etc.)

How many times have you been genuinely surprised when a couple you know splits up? Lately, I've been noticing a shift in myself when I hear news like this about people. And this shift is not confined to news about "happy" couples. The shift has been a long time coming for me. 

I've been flabbergasted more than once when people I've coached have told me how they "...know this doesn't happen to 'you'...". How could anyone 'know' this about someone else? How do any of us make the leap from what we feel inside to what we imagine other people are about on their insides? Stories others have invented about me, especially in my role as a coach, have greatly assisted me in my own shift. Only I can know what goes on inside of me, as it is with anyone else. And, of course, that goes double for what goes on inside any relationship, doesn't it?

Self-evident? Common sense? Maybe, but as my wife and I discussed a recent break-up of another "happy" couple, the stories others have invented about me and that I've invented about others began playing in my head.