Recently, I co-led a workshop about being an active anti-racist. The friend who asked me to help is someone I've known for many years. As the day progressed, I realized I was learning more about myself than what I was "teaching" to the 12 participants. One of my key learnings, picked up watching my skillful friend and then reinforced during offline conversations we had debriefing exercises we'd conducted, was about picking the right time to challenge. It's a lesson I've had to re-learn many times.
Although I've gotten marginally more tactful as I've aged, I am still highly susceptible to being triggered, especially when someone makes a remark I find offensive. And during those triggered moments, I often mistake righteousness for effectiveness. It's not that I doubt my position; but until I regain my wits, I need to recognize this is not the right time to challenge. How do you know when the time is right to challenge?
I'm equally curious to know how any of you balance your sense of speaking out about something you believe in (when challenging others) vs. a need to "keep the peace". My struggle is with the importance of keeping the peace vs. feeling like a coward when I'm silent.