Though fully cognizant of the futility of be-moaning the unchangeable past, I'm equally aware of my tendency for sometimes doing exactly that. So, if that tendency annoys you, feel free to skip the next two paragraphs. You can always return to this bell curve on a day when today's whining blogger is more Dalai Lama-ish.
Largely due to the project I began in late 2011 to fully memorize three hundred jazz standards, many melodic and harmonic musical patterns - previously unrecognizable to me - have started to become clear. Now that I'm more able to readily detect these patterns - and have even begun using them to strengthen my playing - I toggle from being gratified for my present day awareness to deeply frustrated with my past ignorance. Have you any analogue from your own experience that equates to this Jekyll & Hyde reaction of mine?
I hear the Buddhists ever so gently asking - Why waste time? Why not be grateful for your growth, Pat? Those same soothing voices intone: Be here, now, etc. It would be reassuring to learn that even Siddhartha occasionally experienced ambivalence. But lacking a good way to contact Sid, I'll settle for hearing from one of you. Please.