Dialing Down The Barton

Becoming part of any tight group can be daunting. Outsiders have to decide how hard they will try to fit in at about the same time the group is deciding, often without saying so aloud, how well the outsider conforms to group norms. Which role have you played most recently - outsider or member of a group?

I come from a reasonably close family of origin with individual and group neuroses placing us on the functional part of a bell curve. That context may or may not help explain why it feels like my ability to  welcome and accept others into that group has mellowed quite a bit lately. Evidence? I recently observed myself dialing down the Barton in me to put a non-Barton more at ease. Why is this decent behavior notable, you ask? Fair question. It is not notable. But, it does mark a break from my past, especially since no one had called me out about being unwelcoming. 

My reflections now have me wondering how it is for outsiders everywhere. And, in particular, how was it for the earlier outsiders to break into my family? How much did I contribute to any difficulty they might have experienced? What has been your experience? Harder to break in or allow others to break in? It's possible the memories of my wife's entry into the Barton cocoon 35 years ago have been partially responsible for my mellowing.