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Sunday, December 1, 2013

Not-So-Brave New World

Given the shortcuts and quick fixes invented throughout history, what do you imagine might be in store for us in the future?

* In the tradition of Readers Digest and Cliff Notes, how about a computer app providing enough detail (plot, characters, etc.) that others could be persuaded you read the book everyone's talking about? Is this already available? OK, how about combining that technology with a voice simulation device so you don't even have to talk. Instead, the device spits out the convincing particulars using your voice. Voila - you're well read and articulate!

* Given how common stomach band surgery has become as a weight-loss technique, can drive-through therapy be far behind? Would you like some fries with that insight?

* Now that song lyrics are routinely displayed on stages using those small screens, how about avatars for the musicians backing up the singers who can't be bothered memorizing words?

Got more where that came from but I'd like to hear some of yours first.

3 comments:

  1. In the future you will never have to squeeze your own shit out. Say goodbye to straining, grunting, and groaning. Never again wipe a messy partially-evacuated bowel. The Dyson Vacuum Bidet and Dryer will suck it out of you and squirt a milky, moisturizing, spring-scented cleanser up your butt hole followed by a blast of hot air and a brilliant flash of infra-red germ-destroying radiation. The phrase "I don't give a shit" will no longer signify a state of impassivity, the very act of defecation having been denuded of its essential nature, primal and volitional.

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    Replies
    1. The future is bright indeed. Fear not the risk of hernia of hemorrhage in passing even the most recalcitrant of stools.

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  2. In the future, an invisible extraneous information shield. You wear the shield and, like a super duper spam filter, it filters out everything that might distract you from what you want to focus on, like phone alarms, commercials, and amusing you-tube videos. Not good while driving, unless it allows you to see distractions like other drivers on cell phones, applying makeup, or checking their texts. You have to be able to protect yourself. Unfortunately, members of Congress would probably use it to avoid distraction by any opposing viewpoint.

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