http://reflectionsfromthebellcurve.blogspot.com/2011/06/quest-for-authenticity.html
Three years on, the questions I posed about authenticity in the post above remain vexing to me. Until I learn to transcend ego, this is probably unavoidable.
On the plus side, blogging has clearly assisted me in my quest. An anonymous comment received on my May 25 post about thoughtfulness was affirming, especially since "public" authenticity, like in a blog, runs a high risk of being cringe-inducing. The comment encouraged me to stay the course.
As with almost everything, fear is the biggest barrier. My fears about being authentic are often masked by a need for approval. An excellent suggestion from "Writing Is My Drink" (Theo Pauline Nestor) is helping me break through that need. Nestor recommends an automatic writing exercise using "This is what I think..." then not censoring yourself as you complete that sentence stem in ten minute bursts. Though I've done similar stuff in the past, my last two bursts, though very raw, have been revealing.
The next step? Publish something here, placing authenticity above need for approval, politeness and political correctness. Am I afraid? You bet.
About Me
- Pat Barton
- My most recent single release - "My True North" - is now available on Bandcamp. Open my profile and click on "audio clip".
Do you ever wonder just what it is that we fear by revealing who we really are? I mean, really fear? For me, as I delve into this question, I often find that my real fear is not what I originally thought. Do we fear the revealing of the truth and the nakedness that ensues, the truth itself and what it might reveal to others about ourselves, or if we are honest, do we merely fear the perspective with which others perceive our truth, or authenticity, thereby feeling judged and vulnerable?
ReplyDeleteYour recent post on relationships inspired me to reach out to a friend I had not spoken with in 20 years. Our relationship had faltered then died because of lack of authenticity. At that time, I was not willing to reveal a painful truth about myself that my friend had no idea I was holding inside. It was my unspoken words hanging over my own heart that made me eventually feel the need to push this friend away. I was not willing to do the work. I was not able to be authentic. Since we have reconnected, I have made a promise to myself to be completely honest and authentic. What a gift this has been! As is often the case, what I had feared about my authenticity was only a perspective I had created.
I commend your spirit and zeal to move yourself toward full authenticity. Breaking away from the fear of the perceptions of others, thereby exposing our ego, is a freedom enjoyed by few. I always tell my children, "No one else knows how to be you as perfectly as you were created to be!" You just can't feel complete being something else.
Anonymous; Thanks for the comprehensive comment but especially for the provocative questions. If you're a regular reader of this blog, you know how much I love those! I also appreciate the message you've tried to impart to your children. The statement that a post of mine "...inspired you.." to do something means more to me than you can know. Thanks again.
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