How do you handle compliments? In your experience, how have others handled your compliments to them? When you tell someone how much you've enjoyed their work (music, writing, photography, etc.), what has been the predominant response?
In general, I'm pleased with my own response to compliments. I usually say thank you and try diverting the conversation elsewhere. In my experience, many people act as I do. And I also make a point to tell people when I enjoy their work, especially in the creative domains. When I've had an opportunity to tell someone with a degree of notoriety that their work has moved me, the predominant response I've received in those situations has also been positive. What would be your takeaway if someone of note acted strangely under those circumstances?
A friend of mine characterized that reaction as immaturity. I was surprised by his takeaway. Is it immaturity when a "non-famous" person doesn't react well to a compliment? Insecurity, perhaps. I could even go with lack of grace though that may be too harsh. But a deflected compliment, either about a person or about their work, famous or anonymous, strikes me more as social awkwardness than immaturity. Are they the same thing?
About Me
- Pat Barton
- My most recent single release - "My True North" - is now available on Bandcamp. Open my profile and click on "audio clip".
For me, it depends on the basisfor the compliment. For example, if one were to compliment certain things, say my writing, public speaking performances, or running, I can easily accept the compliment with a smile, truly appreciate the acknowledgement, and move on. However, a compliment about parenting, teaching or service I perform, creates a discomfort in me that makes it difficult for me to smile and accept. Perhaps there is the feeling that more is expected, a conversation or explanation. A confession, if you will, as to why or how I do things. They are not compliments so much as observations, and this creates a discomfort in me. This is something the introvert in me must continuously work to cultivate. It is timely that you should write about this now, as I have a fairly high end speaking engagement approaching where people with means will drop ridiculous amounts of money to benefit the foster care agency through which my family fosters. This engagement has me nervous, not for talking in front of hundreds, but uncomfortable for the possibility of comments and conversation afterward. I am certain the comments, if any, will not be about my ability to speak well, but about my foster care experience. Perhaps its that these types of comments cut right into the soul of who I am, and this is an uncomfortable place to allow anyone to enter.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Pat! Always making me think and hash out my insides...opportunity for thought and growth. d.
d; I'm now in the habit of making sure my wife reads your (always) insightful comments (hope you can accept the compliment - ha!). This particular comment is intriguing to me, especially how you make a link to your tendency toward introversion. I'm not convinced you're being wholly fair to yourself is saying that deflecting those compliments may be related to that tendency but that's another blog post altogether, isn't it?
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