The "W" Word

"The quality of shared pain is central to what it means to be a human being.": Paul Brand

" Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Buddha

Each time someone tells me their story - whether in a memoir or essay, or a friend describes damage done to them - the words of Paul Brand and Buddha are reinforced for me. I'm also frequently put off, though rarely surprised, by the rush to judgment of some who listen to the same stories. In my experience, a favorite pejorative of some empathy-impaired folks is to label those who choose to share their pain as "whiners".

Clearly, some folks spend way too much time on the pity-pot. My own patience for those folks is as thin as anyone's. But equally clear is how some people seem to struggle with Buddha's distinction. To describe or write of your pain is not the same as wallowing in your suffering. Listening to people fond of the "w" word, I invariably wonder - When this person faces their inevitable pain, what will be their coping mechanism? Stoicism? Silence? Isolation? Do these methods ease or prolong that optional suffering?

Or, will the human beings quick to label others as whiners share their own pain when it inevitably arrives? What have you observed? What do you do?